February 2024 Mark Kaye's Kayetriot's Conspiracy Theories
February 1st, 2024
Eart Rider And The Great Lakes
AOC wants to impose an embargo on Texas Roadhouse Steaks this week in retaliation to Governor Greg Abbots border security. The embargo will devalue the livestock production and cause a mass migration to the Olive Garden. This is where it will take two hours to be vetted by the hostess for your seat. People will then be engulfed with an endless supply of salad and bread sticks. It is the courtesy of the immigrants working at Gardenville’s vegetable and breadstick factory in Gardenville. We need to take back our carnivorous habits. Make steaks great again. Trump 2024. (WIN)
Mrs. Doubtfire
Alright, so, with all these immigrants and the terror watch people coming over the border and the Super Bowl coming up, the Super Bowl is going to garner at least 111 million viewers. There are so many people on the terror watch list coming across the border that I believe that unfortunately they will attack the Super Bowl. And they are going to bring more viewers with Taylor Swift. (WIN)
Eighty-sixth The Groundhog
Ok, on February 11th, 2 plus 11 equals 13. Super Bowl 58 by plus 8 equals 13, is going to be played in Las Vegas which is thirteen hours away from Japan. Everyone thought it was going to be the Ravens vs. the 49ers but of course with the purple and red, the purple was dedicated to Taylor Swift all along. The red was dedicated to the 49ers which held true when number 13 beat the Lions with some crazy passes. So, since Taylor Swift brought 300 million dollars into the NFL, number 87, her future boyfriend, or Fiancé or whatever is going to propose to her and put the ring on it. (WIN)
The Wizard Of Oz
So, Belichick turned down the coaching job in Atlanta and he now has a minus 1600 percent chance of coaching in the NFL again. Michigan’s head coach Jim Harbaugh now is going to be coaching the Chargers, so Belichick is going to take the job in Michigan. Tom Brady left Michigan after only playing for three years, which gives him one more year of eligibility after he is not a professional athlete for a year, which he is not anymore so now he has amateur status. Belichick goes to Michigan. He recruits Tom Brady, who played at Michigan, and they get one more united together in collage. (WIN)
Mortimer Snerd
Two things. The reason liberals believe that the best woman for a job is a man and they’ve been pushing that for the last three years or so and so they want you to accept a man can be a woman and they are doing that is when Michael runs for office, he’s going to replace Obama, I mean replace Biden and he’s going to be running for office and they want you to accept that Michael Obama will be the first female President, AKA Michelle. (WIN)
February 8th, 2024
Foxtrot Juliet Bravo
It is well known that the demented Biden, or Dr. Jill don’t want to leave the position as President and the Democrats need him to go because let’s face it, he’s unelectable. He’s demented. So, what the Democrats are going to do is put a large purse together for his loving son Hunter, who really only cares about money. They’re going to get Hunter to roll over on his father and his stepmother so that Biden will be forced to withdraw. (WIN)
The Prophet Bubba
Well, we’ve all seen these images of these homeless folks in California and other places, shooting up drugs in public, using streets for restrooms. Well, Gods been watching and he’s in a bit of a quandary. He’s decided that the world needs an enema, and he can’t decide where to insert the tube. In San Francisco or DC and he’d like your input on it. Maybe do a double tuber. (WIN)
Counterfeit Swift
(Distorted) (WIN)
MAGA Hat
It’s not that long so I’m going to talk for a little bit. Is it a thing if there’s dust on your plants where it gives less oxygen off in your house? That’s my conspiracy. It might be because my husband was literally dusting the plants yesterday and I didn’t know if that was a thing.
The Digger
Ok, so this actually came from a friend of mine who’s actually on the other side of our adult liberal dialogue right now, but he said that Republican theories, that’s the Mark Kaye show, the government uses your phone logs to identify us freedom loving Americans.
Got Ripped
Approximately three to five years ago, Mark Kaye ran a new game on his show. I won, was promised a prize pack and never received it. I believe that the Biden administration because they were not in place yet, were out and stole my mail. He did not want me to have that, proving that they did it. (WIN)
February 15th, 2024
Melvin Trump
There’s a lot of talk about the secret binder that could expose the CIA plot to engage the 5 eyes to spy on Trump in 2016. It’s hypothesized that the real reason the FBI raided Mar-a-Lago was to recover the binder and cover up their nefarious deeds. The real cover up however is that the documents expose the conspiracy playing out today, IRL. A team of CIA communists spooks and assassins manufactured the love affair between Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey to distract the populous from high crimes, border invasion, and the senile bag of oatmeal currently residing at the White House. Currently the CIA plans to install Michelle Obama as their leader in the coming months. Taylor will be the V.P. pick and Travis will be the Eunuch in Chief. (WIN)
The Meat Sweats
We’ve been lied to our whole life about eating our meats, vegies, and carbs. We were always told to eat our vegies. When the government puts out a food pyramid, we should probably eat the opposite. They want you eating 6 to 11 servings daily of bread, cereal, rice, and pasta. What better way to keep people sick. Look at vegans and vegetarians. They look frail and weak. That’s because there are toxins in fruits and vegies. The proper human diet goes completely against the climate agenda, so that tells you everything you need to know that you should embrace it. Check out Dr. Kemberly and Dr. Anthony Sankey to search the carnivore diet. (WIN)
Dave Bob
You have the left wing and the right wing. It takes two wings for a bird to fly. Trump 2024.
Cat Daddy
So, today we all heard that Soros is taking over parts of the radio wave and if you haven’t noticed he’s already taken over a part with this crooked chinook we all listen to. We have to understand that this gentleman just presses games on everybody and not actual facts. You have to actually listen to the bulk of his stuff. He’s more of an Andrew Tate when it comes to substance. It’s more of a masculinity over intelligence. (WIN)
I Know
Jr. finally figured out how to use a printer and printed out a fake broker’s license to sell weapons of mass destruction to those who want to mass destruct us. But he whines he had no inventory. Then he heard a big guy voice from way down below, “Yo, go to 10% Joe. He know.” And he did. And he did. Then Jr. whined they have no dough. Big guy with voice said, “Yo, go to 10% Joe.” I saw him put a bill or two in cardboard box and put it in the laundry room. Now you know what I Know knows. (WIN)
Blame It On The Rain
Alright while everybody was staring at their Superbowl bingo cards was shocked with ice spice and their super entitled dusty, the airwaves were being raided by Temu and the Chinese PSYOP. Temu is trying to use their social credits system to get us to buy slave labored Chinese manufactured Uyghur made product because they think they are better than everybody else and they want to take over Amazon and after Amazon they just want to take over the world. (WIN)
The Only Mostly Dead
I have done past conspiracies about the GOOB’s, Government Operatives Of Biden, and the emergency response team, the GOOBer’s. I have uncovered another organization for interference in elections, or the GOOBie’s. This includes Mark Zuckerberg and Taylor Swift. However, after last week’s DOJ report, all these organizations are in a renaming panic because Government Operatives Of Kamala is too offensive a term and Government Representatives and Operatives Of Michelle Emergency Response, or GROOMER’s is also problematic. (WIN)
Jobi-Wan Kenobi
Ok, as we all know October coming up will be an October surprise toward the election and we started actually yesterday with it. The security scare with whatever they’re saying hypersonic nuclear missile from Russia, right. Ok, so we go into that. We know Putin will not want Trump to be the president. So, he will threaten the U.S. with a nuclear strike from the hypersonic missile before the election that ensuring Trump does not get elected. So, up and coming we know that Michael Obama, she does not want to be on the ballet. So, they will find Barack’s illegitimate son from a hooker 40 years ago. Barack Obama Jr., he will be on the ticket for the Democrats ensuring them a win in November. (WIN)
OSU Justin
Biden is either going to try to initiate a war or initiate some type of national emergency where he can declare Presidential power so he can suspend the elections in order to stay in power because he knows once he’s out of power he’s probably going to go to jail. That’s it.
Super Trucker
So, big pharma is planning on releasing a new booster directed towards young girls ages 6 to 16 and the Biden administration has requested that all booster be sent to the White House so that Joe Biden can hold a huge event where he would be administering boosters and he’s going to call it sniff em…(was buzzed and cut off)
Cookie Monsters
Joe Biden is an alien, and I don’t mean an illegal alien. I mean he’s an extraterrestrial alien able to move back and forth between multi dimension in a multi-dimensional universe so when he shakes hands with no one, he’s actually shaking hands with one of his constituents in another dimension and when he speaks in gibberish, he’s talking their language. He plans on 30 million of them crossing into our dimension and voting for him. (WIN)
February 22nd, 2024
Garbage Man
The way it seems to be working, everybody kind of recognized that it was dementia Joe all along and he wasn’t so bright. But nobody was hitting it and hitting it and hitting it. Then the FBI through the DOJ did their investigation and it comes out that says that he was faltering in the mind. Now, if everybody would leave it alone, he’d be running. But now even the liberals are starting to push its dementia Joe and that they need to replace him. Now if they replace him, the person that they replace him with could be a stronger candidate but if everybody would shut up, we’d be running against a moron and that would be a lot easier to get the election in the bag. (WIN)
C Squared
Let’s discuss Trump’s dumbest act, forming Space Force. Yes, it’s incredibly cost prohibitive and it could bomb us back into the Graham Bell era of communications. Now, Biden didn’t repeal it which surprises me but both of these men have seen the day one secrets folder. Now, Vladamir Putin wants to put a nuke in space which is just a terrible idea. To get behind who’s all this deception, I plan on attending the Biden estates sale and heading straight for the garage. (WIN)
Angry Cat Lady
Ok, here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to watch North Korea, North Korea. I was in South Korea. I know there’s things getting on, but listen to me closely please. I’ll make this fast. North Korea. Watch your back. Love you guys. Just be careful. They’re going to take down your phones and your internet. (WIN)
No Way Joe
During the upcoming State of the Union when President Biden says he needs four more years to finish the job, the job is to exhaust your bank account and max out your credit until there’s no way other than to be completely reliant on the government handouts at which point government will be seen by the people as their savior because meager government rations are far better than nothing at all. It’s an old dictator’s tactic handed down century after century since the beginning of man, beat you within an inch of your life and then become the one to heal you, nurse you back to health, and indoctrinate you as their slaves. Work your hands to the nubs while you eat crumbs and do their will not yours and listen to their laughter while they discuss how easy it was for so few to take control of so many and make them work to fund the rest of the world economy. No way Joe. Not us, the American people. (WIN)
Hello Dave You’re Looking Well
Ok as Joe Biden is going to or has gone to California to soak up money from the actors and the rich liberals from the west coast that are out there, we are realizing that Ben Hur did not chose to prosecute Joe Biden because he’s an actor. You can’t prosecute an actor for playing the part. It’s not just some old dim-witted old guy or else Jack Kevorkian would have never been prosec, you know, found guilt. So, for true reason Joe Biden is acting this way because it’s James Woods playing his part. (WIN)
Yes Man
No answer
Painted Squirrel
Aright, only by two months after Joe Biden got sworn in to be president there was, he was speaking at an event the first time and a reporter asked him what was his legacy will be and he said my legacy will be bringing America to the new world order. So, you think about that and you put it through all his administration, everything that he’s done trying to flip America over to the new world order, it makes sense. (WIN)
White Foot
The greatest conspiracy is the conspiracy to silence conspiracy theorists. That’s it.
Liberal Facts
Ok, you know how Bill Gates has produced meat from just embryos and they’re producing meat from human flesh and they’re producing meat from human waste so the theory is that every once in a while, when President Joe Biden starts stumbling and tripping, they have to throw one of his old diapers into a vat and grow a new Joe Biden just to fill in the time so that he looks like a new president. (WIN)
Nurse Ratchet
Ok, so the first part is not really a theory. It’s they’re vaccinating people, health care officials in Denver, Colorado. So, I called my friend who’s a nurse out there and it’s absolutely true. They’re vaccinating them against Ebola. So, the conspiracy theory is that’s going to be our next pandemic. (WIN)
Gyro
Today’s phone outage and the national security threat last week were predicted 50 years ago by Pogo, the Pogo cartoon and he said “We have met the enemy and he is us.” That’s it.
Destiny
I think we are destined for something like what’s happened today that will happen in November. There’ll be some hacks in states where all of the sudden we need people to mail in votes, drop boxes and bring votes to drop boxes because the computer systems will be hacked and troubled and not trustworthy so this will be the best way to count votes and it will delay the vote count which is what happened four years ago. (WIN)