April 2023 Mark Kaye's Kayetriot's Conspiracy Theories
Nehemiah 4:14
Alright, yesterday Joe Biden had to change his depends a couple of times because he probably saw the announcement of Robert Kennedy Jr. joining the ticket or challenge, I guess you can say. It’s going to be a dream team between Trump vs. Kennedy because we all know all moderate Democrats are going to pull for Kennedy and Trump and Kennedy are going to collude together because there aren’t any good Republicans for the ticket with Trump that the loser is going to be V.P. just like the old republic back when our country was founded. (WIN)
Rider
I really enjoy your remark about early person in the, every male coming of age going in the military after High School. My grandparents came from Switzerland legally and I remember sitting as a child on my grandfather’s lap how he served two years in the military when he became of age in Switzerland. And I researched it and it’s still going on today. Now look at Switzerland’s standings in the world. Now are they going to take over the world because all their males have to go into the military? (WIN)
Son of Thanos
The Mark Kaye Show is actually a paid CIA operation that is gleaning conspiracies for the CIA. It goes to one of two offices. Either one office that says “oh no, they’re on to us. We got to change our business.” Or the other one that goes, “Damn, that’s a great idea.” (WIN)
Witness Protection Elvis
I see the Tyranny’s coming. Putting Bud Lite on their chest. They want to groom your boy child and put him in a dress and their forcing drag queen story hours as we gag and grown. Pedophilic weirdos galping gender hormones. (WIN)
Alabaster Jones
Ok, so this conspiracy has to do with the possible cancellation of Mark Kaye and his attempts to defend himself from it. So, it all started back when a former producer decided to leave and go to another radio station. It was about that time when I realized that the Mark Kaye show wasn’t on that station anymore, particularly during Hurricane Ian whenever I tried to listen to your show over the hurricane coverage. The second attempt was whenever Hannah let you know that she would be able to move in at a moments notice if you ever choked on air. The way of defending yourself against the cancellation is to constantly beat Jay in trivia every single week to prove your superior intellect. (WIN)
Win
Well, I believe that the global community has three things working for it. The reason they push abortion so hard is population control. Covid release was population control. The LBGQ, whatever, is population control and as a side benefit to that is that they destroy the family. That’s mine.
Anonymous
I found out that most people in America are being tracked by these Apple air tags and other devices. It’s working through a sub-network through most people’s routers. Even if the router is locked, AT&T people don’t realize it, but they can still access it.
April 13th, 2023
Grogu’s New Ride
Ok, yesterday it was reported I saw by Charlie Kirk that Joe Biden’s Ireland itinerary was found floating around the streets in Northern Ireland. Well, it’s easy to know who done it this time because the leaker hasn’t come forward but after throwing back several Irish car bombs, Hunter Biden got the idea that hey, if we take out my dad using a convertible and whatever, because he loves those convertibles, I will become the next president and on the apparent heir to the throne. Well, Hunter Biden’s so dumb he doesn’t realize we live in a republic. (WIN)
The Wizard of Oz
Roosevelt allowed Pearl Harbor to be attacked because he needed to see if carrier-based aircraft would work in an attack because in the battle of the Pacific they didn’t have massive land-based bomb formations to support the ground troops. So, he needed to see where to sink the money. Either into aircraft carriers or into massive dreadnaught style battleship like the Amato or the Texas. That’s it. (WIN)
A Pimp Named Slickback
A Pimp Named Slickback conspiracy theory is this. There is a RINO, a trojan RINO among us and he happens to be one of the extraordinary governors. He’s posing as though he is an ordinary conservative along the lines of Donald Trump, but he is not. He is already starting to do George Soros type things in his own state. He’s funding racist that don’t concern him in different counties and that trojan RINO is Ron Sanctimonious. A Pimp Named Slickback has spoken. (WIN)
Witness Protection Elvis
Now the enemy within basks in luxury and lies. Gets rich off skinnies with kickback and bribes. Weaponizes and crams Donald in ten-foot cell. An innocent man in a living hell. Trump hits the swamp like a hurricane. Then hoax after hoax now bad Alvin’s brain for something he’s never done. Trying to imprison him so he doesn’t repeat this champion of the free world. (WIN)
Not a Biscet Eater
Ok, you had a producer who left. We’ll call him Voldemort. When Voldemort left, he said he would keep in touch, but we haven’t heard from him. Then all of the sudden, post Voldemort, Karen started calling. My conspiracy theory is that Karen is Voldemort calling with a voice changer. But, Howie, AKA Howard from the Facebook live stream thinks that Karen is Voldemort’s mom calling in and it could be because he is a liberal as we know. (WIN)
The Only Mostly Dead Voter
You remember that Frank Figliuzzi reported on MSNBC that the president said that we will fly our flags at half mass until August 8. That’s 8 8. This stands for heil Hitler. So, today is 4-13. 4 is D and 13 is M. This stands for Deify Mark. It also corresponds with him putting together a new foil hat with a Mark Kaye logo on it. Is Mark Kaye really a secret agent working for Reynolds Aluminum and trying to get his followers to purchase more foil. Either that or he is using it as a pun reference to foil the plans of Democrats. (WIN)
April 20th, 2023
ASMR For Liberals
Ok, we’ve been asking why Joe Biden keeps telling people not to jump. Well, it’s still confusing but I think I have the solution. Recently an EMT gave a deposition when somebody jumped eight floors to their death, that the victim was swabbed and tested for covid which came back positive so the government could prove that they died with covid instead of dying from the fall. Well, since Joe Biden is the one that signed off that covid has ended, if enough people get sick of listening to him, they might start jumping and covid might come back again. (WIN)
Ken
Yes, unfortunately the assassination of John F. Kennedy was not as exciting as everyone wanted it to believe. The actual shot that actually killed, the head shot, was actually a tragic accident fired by the secret service. The secret service in the car behind John F. Kennedy had an M-16, and rather than keeping his finger outside the trigger guard, he actually as the car jerked forward, it jerked his finger back on the trigger and actually shot John F. Kennedy in the head. (WIN)
Area 51
The bird flu has been devastating US poultry stocks and now is apparently impacting the Bald Eagle population. The bird flu does not seem to impact Canada Geese whose population is increasing. The bird flu is a plot of the Canadian government to increase goose population in the United States. They plan to blanket the country with geese. This will annoy the American populace because of the incessive honking and rampant goose poop all over the place. The CDC will launch a goose eradication program but will fail because the thirty-six genders identified among the geese, thirty-four of which will be woke. Americans distracted by the plague from the north will beg Canada to remove this menace. In return, Canada will demand the following: Replace baseball with hockey as the national past time, stop making fun of Justin Castro, and require all Americans to end every sentence with “A” as in I love the Mark Kaye show, A. (WIN)
Big Gored McGee
Well, this is a loosely made conspiracy but 1947, Roswell. Two years later, Hollywood movie Glennard Glenda. Later on … (Buzzed out because they couldn’t hear him)
Witness Protection Elvis
Fetterwoman’s freed from the funny farm within ability and his wife and governor has plans to overthrow him. When he cracks up again, Shapiro puts Gisele in command who came illegally to our land, will win a special election scam and become a permanent US senator for Sheepolvania. (WIN)
Wiggle Worm
Joe Biden is from the planet Bidena and he was sent here by his leaders and he’s got shape shifting powers and let link the world…
The Carpenter
I believe that Tik Tok is one arm of a psychological and economic warfare package delivered by the Chinese. Tik Tok’s purpose was to install transgenderism and socialism in our youth, and it is wildly successful, beyond their wildest dreams. As we sit arguing over who’s on our beer label, they are expanding into South America and Africa. You can look this stuff up. African leaders protesting Chinese behavior. It’s incredible how far it’s gone. (WIN)
The Only Mostly Dead Voter
In a prior conspiracy I mentioned the GOOBS or Government Operatives of Biden. I have since found out they have a sub organization that is modeled after the committee to reelect the president, commonly called the CREEPS, who are involved with Watergate Nixon. This spy organization also cleaned up for the gaffs of the president and are the ones that sent out memos to the media for the talking points. They are the GOOBS emergency response teams or GOBERS. They candy coat the nut job, actually the hardest job in the nation. (WIN)
Joe Biden’s Plumber
Well, I got a theory why Joe whispers so much. I think he has a problem with continents with word, you have a hard time controlling. I think when he’s doing that, he’s right in the middle of trying to prevent something from happening and I think backstage Jills going oh my god he did it again and the secret service getting ready to clean this guy up again. That’s why they call him pootus. (WIN)
Cat Man Do
Hunter Biden’s laptop will never be found. The FBI has it, but they are never going to give it up because now they put it on the Space X launch today and it blew up and they will never see it again. (WIN)
April 27th, 2023
Louis
I heard the latest roomer is that Mark Kaye is going to be replacing Tucker Carlson on the evening show on Fox and Hannah’s going to join Only Fans to take care of the money she’s going to lose by leaving.
Area 51
The recent significant increase in train derailments in the United States leave many wondering what is behind the increase. One leads to look no further than Beyond Meat. The company went public in 2019 after receiving venture capitol from Bill Gates. By September 2022 stock price had lost over 90% of its value because nobody wants the product. This brings us to the recent spate of train derailments. Beyond Meat has so much excess inventory they had to do something with it. Bill Gates contacted his buddy Warren Buffet to lease freight cars and place the inventory on them all across the country. By causing the train derailments, Gates was able to cash in on the insurance. (WIN)
Not Matt Fowley
Ok lately Hunter Biden is so stressed out because of Margery Taylor Green being mean to him and wanting him prosecuted. Well, he got inspiration from Kathy Griffin because lately she’s saying she has PTSD even though she has never done anything hard. Well, so Hunter is inspired by her. He realizes the opportunity to get more drugs to cure his MTGSD is going to be phenomenal, so of course he wants to claim this problem. (WIN)
Heinrick
Well, in December 7th 1941 Franklin Roosevelt knew that Pearl Harbor was about to be attacked, but he didn’t do anything about it because he wanted the attack to occur so that he would have an excuse to bring the United States into World War two. There were too many people who wanted to avoid the involvement of the United States in the war, so he needed an incident as big as Pearl Harbor to make it happen. (WIN)
Witness Protection Elvis
MTG and Nells agree, he was honey trapped by a Red Chinese. Swalwell sold us out to the CCP, Fang back in Beijing a celebrity. Fang Fang, in a silk gown. Bang Bang, it hit the ground. Clang Clang, moved all around. Bang Bang, he’s tearing our country down. (WIN)
A Pimp Named Slickback
My conspiracy theory is there is a mole in the camp of Donald Trump. Somebody called the FBI and tipped them off that Donald Trump had a safe with documents in it. Somebody also poked the bear known as hey hey hey, Fat Albert Braggs to get him to arrest Donald Trump. My conspiracy theory is the mole is Donald J. Trump himself because now he has photos of the FBI going through Melania Trumps underwear drawer and he now has the biggest fund-raising rallies going on simply because hey hey hey hey Fat Albert Braggs arrested him. A Pimp Named Slickback has spoken. (WIN)
Crotchety
Alright, we are going to start out with the facts. I go to Walmart. I want to buy some boxers. I can’t get any. All they have is boxer briefs. I don’t want boxer briefs. Fact number two. Bill Gates wants to reduce the population. He says there’s too many people on Earth. He needs to get rid of people. Fact number three. For a man to be most potent, his boys need some room. You can’t have them in a house like that. They have to, you got to let them breathe, man! So, Bill Gates has cornered the market on the boxers and briefs so that you can only get boxer briefs to keep your boys up tight and keep you unpotent to reduce the population. Now the world knows. (WIN)
Code Name Kyle
I think Fox and Dominion are the same entity because for one, Vanguard and BlackRock own I think around 20% of Fox, I think around 20% Dominion or so, or more. Why would Fox settle 750-million-dollar lawsuit if they had evidence that these machines were crooked. So, the whole thing was a big plot to basically verify these machines that they’re on the up and up for the 24 election. (WIN)