August 2023 Mark Kaye's Kayetriot's Conspiracy Theories
August 3rd, 2023
MAGA With That Swagga
Everyone thinks Joe and Hunter Biden are drug adle and senile but really, they are just speaking in coded language to their masters who are grey aliens from Zeta Reticuli. For example, that clip where grampa Joe is singing happy birthday, that’s going out to their grand commander, a praying mantis looking alien with a hard to pronounce name and Burisma is the name of the alien home planet. In fact, I heard my boy Slickback was abducted one night while getting his swerve on. (WIN)
Definitely Not Gary
Mark Kaye will be able to run for President of the United States and we’re going to use the liberal loophole to do it. A he has to, you see you had the Rachael Dolezal who felt like she was black, so she identified as black, and I read a couple of months ago about a British woman who thought she was Indian, red dot, not feather. So, Mark Kaye just has to identify as an American to run for president. He can be trans American and who are they to deny you how you feel. (WIN)
Anonymous
Ok, the deep state Republican, or Democratic party is actually being funded by Republicans when they don’t even know it. If you wonder where all of the mega millions and power balls go and the top ten power ball, nine out of the twelve go to Democratic states, and I’m talking about the billion dollar wins, and the mega millions, exact same reshow. Nine went to Democratic blue states heavily like north. (WIN)
Paint
Ok, my theory has to do with the electric cars. Everybody likes to talk in the deep state and the President all those, they talk about it being green and their saving gas and fuel. I think that has nothing to do with it. I think it’s 100% about control, because if they have an electric car, they can turn us off at any moment through the internet because all the electric cars are connected.
Red Sky
Hi. My theory is that Trump and the Justice Department had an agreement that said if Trump did not run for President they would not indict and pursue charges, but when Trump discovered he was so ahead in the polls, he reneged on the deal and that is why they are pursuing indictment and charges against him.
Black Jack
Ok, my theory is simple. They’re going to throw Trump in jail and the reason is they want to spark a civil war. And once they get the civil war going, the Federal government can do what they always wanted to do and that is when they gone pang the American people all the entitlements that they’ve been robbing us of for decades. And that’s my conspiracy theory.
Red Fish
Joe Biden received all that money from China so China can come to America and build storage units in every city, every possible place they can build them, and China is putting arms and munitions in the storage units. So, before Joe Biden gets out of office, China’s going to send troops over here in cargo ships and unload and then they’ll have all that ammo waiting for them so they can take over the United States because Joe Biden is now a multi-millionaire. (WIN)
August 10th, 2023
Clark Kent Rockefeller
Ok, I have three conspiracy theories. Number one, Joseph Biden is Joseph David Rockefeller. He’s an actor on LinkedIn. Number two, Donald Trump married his daughter Ivanka on her ninth birthday in Costa Rica. Number three, Son of Man from Action Comics circumcise Mark Kaye. That’s my conspiracies.
Mamasaurus
Ok, per the transportation bureau from 2017 till now, traffic congestion has reached an all time high all over the United States. This has given politicians an excuse in the past to put in more toll roads. My conspiracy theory is the government has hired people to drive slow and hold up the traffic so people will fight for something to change. So, this will give them a chance to write new bills, and, in those bills, they can put additional hidden things that they usually do, and also by putting in toll roads this gives the government control over when and where people travel. (WIN)
MAGA With That Swaga
Back in the day Obama made a speech about how the solar power manufacturer Solyndra needed half a billion dollars from taxpayers. One year later they went bankrupt. Fun fact, the CEO was an Obama for America funder. Now a Biden supported company that makes EV’s went bankrupt. My theory is that Democrat presidents spatting out green energy companies are carving out a very green retirement package. Biden will take the money and open up gay bathhouses, around the clock sex, called Common Man. (WIN)
Jack
Deep state actors within the Bureau of Weights and Measures are using typology and regulating thermometer manufacturers, adjusting the accuracy over the years. 110 degrees is now 115. Seeing a bank thermometer and hearing radio tv reporting, having you believe it’s the record temp day. It’s hot, but not that hot. Thermometers made before the 60’s still read 110. (WIN)
Beethin
Alright, so you know how they found in the documents where it says ten percent for the big guy. Well, the big guy is not Biden. The big guy is actually Obama and he’s going to use that money to open up gay shows everywhere.
The Big Guy
Well, everybody has seen the video where Joe Biden’s bragging about holding up the million dollars, or billion dollars to get the prosecutor fired but he was talking to that guy in Ukraine, and he said that he was going to hold it up and the guy said that he didn’t have the authority to do that and he said lets call the president. Well, at that point he implicated Barak Obama into knowing about the scheme and the only reason Obama would do that is to get in on some of the money. He wanted a piece of the pie and that makes him the big guy. (WIN)
Theodore Five
Actually, Joe Biden the President is not in control of the country. He’s being manipulated. If you ever seen Star Trek back in the day the original one, there’s a little worm that crawled in the doctor’s ear and I believe that is what Barak Obama has done to Joe Biden and he’s controlling him from a basement somewhere in Washington DC and from electric cars. (WIN)
Florida Kid
Mike Tyson’s transitioning into a woman and getting back into boxing to go against the heavyweight woman’s competition. Second is the committee for integrity in the House and Senate is going to investigate all the stockbrokers of all the political officials and see insider trading. (WIN)
Peggy Sue
We know the Democrats always do better during war time. So, they’ve come up with a way to reduce the national debt. By now, since they’ve already got all the money they’re going to get out of China, they’re going to kick of a war with China and then they can nationalize all the Chinese property in the U.S., and they can cancel all the debt from China. That’s it.
Mick Jagger
Ok, so, we all know that the fires from Canada were all started at the same time over hundreds of miles. I believe that the ammonium nitrate that came from that train was used because all the smoke was red. Now, in turn, the global warming that we are currently experiencing is artificial because when smoke is in the air, the sunrays reflect off of the ground back into the smoke and then return back into the ground, therefore double heating the earth. So, I believe this is all just Democratic agenda. (WIN)
August 17th, 2023
Smitty
58 out of 74 worldwide studies dating back to 1957 have shown that abortion increases a woman’s risk of getting breast cancer. 19 out of 23 studies from the United States show that abortion is associated with an increased risk of breast cancer. Why would Susan G. Colman and every single cancer research organization that you’re giving money to deny this fact unless… follow the money. (WIN)
Atlas
The leaders of the environmental movement actually want to destroy the planet and I have three anecdotal proofs. The first on is that there is little or no regulations that stop or regulate or take care of anything that has to do with environmental practices. Second one is that there are little or no reports of mishaps that occur with anything that isn’t environmentally sound. And of course, the third and most telling one is that whenever the other side, mostly liberals, is shouting that something is wrong and is being destroyed, that the liberals are actually doing it themselves. They’re doing the very thing that they claim the conservatives are doing.
MAGA With That Swaga
Well, I’m a fictional writer. I enjoy increasing my vocabulary but guess who else does. Barrak Obama. Word is he just learned the word corpsman from watching the Walking Dead, and speaking of apocalypse, Obama began to worry a little bit about Kamala Harris becoming president. So, he called a secret meeting with her to test her IQ. When he insisted that she play a round of Scramble with him, she said, “We aint having that! We not playing that!” (WIN)
Cookie Monster
Well, we all know that Donald Trump was a real estate developer in New York and New Jersey and bought concrete from the same company that supplied concrete to the Meadowlands Sports complex and since that is one of the possible resting places of the remains of Jimmy Hoffa, the New Jersey AG is running a secret investigation and planning to invite Trump as a conspirator and accessory in the disappearance and murder of Jimmy Hoffa. (WIN)
Tookie Monster
Ok, so what’s going on really in Hawaii is not an actual wildfire like the media is reporting. They were either, A, hit with a direct energy weapon, which our government spends about a billion dollars a year on developing that technology, or was purposely done to develop the land so they can build the first smart, or 15-minute city in America.
Linden Johnson
The year was 1967. You may remember the Arab Israeli conflict at that time. Anyway, the USS Liberty was an American spy ship that was attacked by units of the Israeli air force and navy, and they tried to frame it so that the United States would think it was attacked by the Egyptians, and they wanted to nuke Cairo and the United States almost did nuke Cairo. (WIN)
Deez Nutz
Jay Money has actually had an extreme amount of money with Jay Trading and has purchased the top-of-the-line AI robot. Yesterday, my open mike about Jay Trading mysteriously disappeared and that was done by Jay Money AI. He proclaimed with confidence at the beginning of trivia that Marks winning streak was about to end. Every time Jay Money AI as what his score was, a boost of AI information got pushed through the circuits. Jay Money AI is taking over and will silence the op… (lost connection) (WIN)
Bubble Wrap
Ok, I need you to be a little bit patient. Everybody in radio land raise your hand if you ever walked into another part of your house and lost your signal of your phone. So, in 1968 the President called the moon, Ok. So, in 1968, 50 years ago, the President called the moon. I can’t walk into my den and make a phone call. So, you’re sitting at the house on Saturday and the kids, it’s raining, and you’re like what do you want to do. Hey, let’s call the moon. How you going to, I mean how stupid do they think we are. They called the moon 50 years ago. I can’t walk into my den and even order a pizza because I lose my signal. (Clarification. It’s about them not calling the moon back then. Fake moon landing.) (WIN)
Dark Wing Duck
So, after the vail was lifted and Hannah professed her undying love to Brian Kilmeade and his rippling muscles a few weeks ago, she is actually, I can explain all of her absences by her going to DARPA to look at an AI who’s actually her husband. Casey doesn’t exist. She’s actually secretly married to Brian Kilmeade who has been going for various treatments to create the perfect conservative radio talk show baby to overthrow Mark and his vast radio empire. (WIN)
Ish Dabibble
Ok, the cause of the Hawaiian fires is electrical from the batteries. They didn’t have the technology to pull out, but they don’t want to say anything because that would stop the production of the electric cars and the golf carts. That’s what caused the fires and what fueled it of course was the hurricane.
Mamasaurus
Ok, Native Americans know more about the old secrets and mysteries of the world and in the United States more than anyone else. With the Democrat party they were the loudest voices to stop drilling, specifically in certain areas, such as the Keystone Pipeline. There’s already a theory that the aliens didn’t come from the sky, but that they came up from out of the ground. My conspiracy theory is that either one, the Native Americans were trying to stop us from digging up and exposing the truth that the things that exist, or, two, they didn’t want us to dig up something that they’ve been trapped underground for years. Centuries. (WIN)
August 24th, 2023
An Average Man West Of Richmond
Ok, we’ve heard how the bricks nations are trying to grow their wealth by adding more and more countries. Well, of course Joe Biden wants to get in with the evil doers of these bricks nations, and so the only precious metals he could find, since he gave all the gold away in Fort Knox, is the fact that we have a border wall, which is made of metal, and is dumb as he is, he think he could melt down the bars of the border wall and sell those to the gullible nations of the bricks nations so he can fit in with the evil doers like he is. (WIN)
Mick Jaguar
Alright, currently we can only grow grapes as far north as the 45th parallel and the 800 to 1300, Renaissance age, we could grow them at the 55th parallel, which means the Earth was warmer then and has cooled off since and is back in that current cycle. So, let the grapes of wrath show you that 700 miles difference is the median temperature of where the Earth ranges and just because they think that it’s getting warmer, and it is getting warmer, it isn’t something that is uncommon. (WIN)
A Slick Named Pimpback
Ok, the past covid shutdown was focused on churches, but not to slow the spread, but to spread the new faith. Yes, folks the EG5, or election guarantee variant, has arrived and branch covidians invite you to watch the CDC, instead of the GOD. Of course, all services are virtual. Nevertheless, you will be required to receive your first immunion, instead of first communion, and go get your immune system born again down at the Walgreens, so sayeth Pope Fauci. (WIN)
Bob Wehadababyitsaboy
Alright, so the first conspiracy theory with the Maui fires with the direct energy weapon, also know as lasers, everything burned because it was hit with a blue laser. The elites and their rich people had their houses painted a specific color called Maui Blue. The frequency of the blue color is also at 602066 or 662066 hertz. That’s kind of given for the elite. There’s video’s going around where they show the lasers burning all the other colors except that blue. The UN is also a blue color as well. So, if you don’t want your house to burn, paint it blue. (WIN)
Table 9 Mutant
I am convinced that Joe Biden’s speeches are either interfered, interrupted, and or created from CB radio conversations. Some of the conversations that you can get that recent I heard is some 2000-year wire connection, funny pauses, triple A, double A, or double B batteries. Therefore, I think that some of Joe Bidens interference when he is speaking. (WIN)
Turd Ferguson
Alright so last night, I think there’s a conspiracy theory to cover up Chris Christie performance. He had an awful moment last night and I think that Fox News hit the dump button on one of his comments. What everybody heard at home was Chat GBT over here and he was pointing at Vivek. I fancy myself as a little bit of a lip reader, Mark, and what I read was “I need some stacked BLT’s over here now.” Then I thought there was a conspiracy theory inside of a conspiracy theory because I didn’t think Chris Christie would be interested in BLT’s one bit. Then on Wikipedia on stacked BLT, they had a mile high pile of salami and bruschetta. (WIN)
General Greediest
Ok, so it’s going to touch up on what the other guy was talking about the fires on in Hawaii. There’s a lot of fires going on in the whole world right now and people want to blame global warming, yada yada, but my conspiracy is that guy’s right. Our government, possibly other governments have energy weapons, and they are testing them right now and World War 3 is not going to be fought with guns. (WIN)
August 31st, 2023
Snake Pliskin
Ok, we heard of the Clinton body count. Let me introduce you to the Obama body count. Tafari Campbell, Isabel Toledo who designed Michelle’s, Michael’s, tuck friendly inauguration gown, and Joe the plumber, have all mysteriously died recently and nobody knows what’s going on. Well, according to Larry Sinclair, crack kills and we did find the crack in the White House, and nobody knows where it came from and definitely Joe the plumber can attest to crack kills. (WIN)
MAGA With That Swaga
Well, the wingnuts over at the new radio station WING have procured some Don or Ron coins for the Bart Fay Show, hosted by Bart Fay, who I call Bart Fake, who is gradually trying to bribe away your Thursday talent for their conspiracy foolishness Friday debuting tomorrow. When approached I told BF to shove it. Then he told me he and his crew went undercover as prostitutes to win over Slickback. (WIN)
The Only Mostly Dead Voter
The puppet masters behind the Biden administration are Sid and Marty Cross, the creators of early kids programing that used human sized puppets such as H.R. Puff and Stuff. They want to bring to life their weirdly dystopian world with a tyrannical leader and the character with an over-the-top cackle. One of their show titles sums it up. The Land of the Lost. They delve into the political realm with their show D.C. Follies and worked their way into the media with the building that housed their indoor amusement park which turned into CNN headquarters. The year Biden was elected they received their star on Hollywood near Grauman’s Chinese Theater. (WIN)
Big Hoff
So, here in Ohio you’ll see all our mixed interstates and roads. They’re cutting out 4 by 8 pieces of the road, putting in big pieces of pipe they say are for the self-driving trucks. I say it’s bombs so when they want to lock us down, they can shut down all the import and export of goods, so we have to rely on government for everything we get. They’re going to keep us locked in our homes, locked so we can’t go anywhere in our cars. (WIN)
The Funny Man
We know that Biden, he’s an empty soul. One day he goes to a party as a skeleton. Literally as a skeleton. Remember, he’s an empty soul, and the person at the door would not let him in. You know why? Because he has no body to go with. He’s a skeleton. (WIN)
Energy R Us
Ok, we know that Biden’s administration is coming after us. They’re coming after Trump in court, and I think that’s how they’re coming after the rest of us. They’re doing it in the court appointed places where Biden’s people have been put like Maryland when they overturned that parents can’t opt out of children in grades school being read these stories by LGBTQ. Even Muslims wanted to say stop it, but they won’t stop, and the courts even said it was a violation. (WIN)
A Pimp Named Slickback
A Pimp Named Slickback conspiracy theory is… (silence for a while) … and that’s what Mitch McConnell said. (WIN)