February 2023 Mark Kaye's Kayetriot's Conspiracy Theories
February 2nd, 2023
Perry The Platypus
Alright, Mike Pence has fallen out of the news ever since he discovered his top secret documents and the question is why because the liberals would want to butcher a Republican first chance they got. Well, it’s because Karen Pence, being the resourceful teacher she is, heard about the top secret notepads from the Mark Kaye Show and was able to get her hands on the prototype and when Mike Pence found them, him being the self-righteous guy that he is, thought they were actual Joe Biden documents and called the FBI. (WIN)
The Only Mostly Dead Voter
Punxsutawney Phil’s prediction is being considered, is being marked as disinformation by the Biden administration. Not because his accuracy is only 39% but because they have to forecast good weather, just like they have to predict a good economy so that they are not blamed for it. Further, they worry because his accuracy is higher than Joe Biden’s acceptance rate with policies, and higher than his approval rating and they don’t want to be shown up. Biden just wants to be sure he is the top rodent. (WIN)
Forgot My Code Name
My conspiracy is I think Elon has been a conservative this entire time and I think the electric cars have always been able to go a little bit further than advertised but I think he built the batteries to only go a very short distance in order to keep liberals from migrating out of their home state. (WIN)
Bubble Wrap
Ok, two reasons why I can prove Buttigieg was raised by the Russians. First of all, when he was a kid he took that little song “Brown Eyed Girl” and threw in on his record player backwards… (Cut off by Mark because it was the same thing they heard last week when he was cut off)
Glow Worm
So I’ve been thinking, I actually now realize that Hannah could have been correct but I think she blew it and so here’s the deal, and Jay was close, but here’s the bottom line. It goes back to who has had the longest run of irritating things, and its hands down Al Gore. So, I think because he has been of an alien mindset for so many years, the other two have been breathing in his green house gases and that is what is giving them now an extra surge of idiotsy and so you go in the order of first its Al, and then its Kamala, and then its Toly because she’s had the least amount so that’s why her tirade sounded so awful today. (WIN)
John
On the police radio with the Pelosi what happened was they were getting jammed by the MC Hammdar, and if you listen real close in the background all of the sudden you can hear the music playing “Can’t touch this. Doom doom der doot. And that’s when they slammed them with the hammer.
Karen Killer
There’s a secret program for Vice Presidents that don’t make the President. They put them through shock therapy so that they lose their minds and can’t divulge their secrets. But apparently, they got to Biden before he decided to run for President and that’s why he’s so crazy.
Magnificent
So, Tom Brady’s and Gisele’s divorce was just a propaganda, was just a publicity stunt. They needed sort of, everybody knows that the NFL’s ratings have dropped dramatically in the past couple of years because all the woke poo poo and the virtue signaling. So, they needed some sort of soap opera. They’ve been getting the men back, but they need the women back too so they brought in the soap opera stuff with will she take him back, won’t she take him back, will they have, will they, won’t they, and now he’s going to be a broadcaster which will still bring them some ratings but everybody knows that nobody else makes broadcasters except the Cowboys with Romo, Aikman, and now well Dak just is going to be a broadcaster. There’s no doubt. That’s all he can do. (WIN)
Leaping Lizard
Ok, I agree with all your reasons for Hunter Biden suing everybody, but here’s the real reason. If he could possibly get this to pass by one of the judges and win a case, and that’s a good possibility because a lot of the judges are in the Democratic pockets, but if he can, now while the FBI is, you know, going through all his records, the new judge will have to disallow anything found on the laptop. (WIN)
February 9th, 2023
Agent 99’s Proxy
Egg farmer abductions are causing the egg shortages and price increases. We use a local egg farmer, but this last month, his deliveries have stopped and he doesn’t respond to texts. A recent government funded food nutrition study places cereal, high in sugar, at the top while eggs are near the bottom, even though the nutrients in eggs are one of the best foods for the brain. Conclusion, cereal companies are abducting egg farmers at the behest of the government so that lack of eggs dumbs down the population. (WIN)
Opossum
The NSA in conjunction with the Biden family and the Chinese government brought the balloon in to spy on our country while the top-secret documents were coming out as a distraction. It worked real well. They got eight days out of spying. The next time they do it will be when the laptop comes out but this time it will have giant letters on the side of the balloon that says “Black Lives Matter” because we all know there’s no way Joe’s going to shoot down a giant balloon that says Black Lives Matter. (WIN)
X22B
Yeah, this is a two phase. I got a tip for you, but if you buzz me, you might not get your tip because in the White House there is a drawer in our president’s office and in the right hand drawer there is an ink pen in there and this is how he gets his information. In fact, that’s how China told him about the balloon. Have you ever seen an ink pen that you click and it rotates and it tells you a different message every time that you click it. There’s about four in there and you can leave some pretty neat things in there for the Mark Kaye Show as well but last time that’s how our president found out about the balloon and he gets his instructions that way from China and others. (WIN)
Bubble Wrap
Ok, I don’t think we can be any stupider. So, the Chinese sent bubble wrap over here with corona in it. We throw it on the floor and our kids pop it. Now they’re sending balloons over here with who knows what inside and we’re popping those. I mean how stupid could we be?
Witness Protection Elvis
Balloon. Joe knows just what it was here for. Or is what’s its BLA prepares for. And he let him in our back door. Joe let it float from sea to shining sea then popped it so the truth was never told. He collaborated with the rotten red Chinese and sold us out for piles of gold. (WIN)
Mr. Red Not From Cali
Jay was born, excuse me, made middle aged so its more believable to the mostly bags of water. Unlike the first film AI, the Biden Bot, Jay’s downloading of our history and customs was a success. No longer will the fuel source be huffing children’s hair. Jay AI is fueled by democrat tears, fame, and glory, hence his previous Hollywood stent. Jay AI or J.A.I. is still very childlike, loves his dad jokes, telling on himself, showing off his trophies to start the show, keeping trivia tied, controlling buzzers, all to torment Mark. After all, Mark unwillingly uses Jay AI’s offspring to help him write his opening dialogs. The death/live tattoo is actually a kill switch/self-destruct safe guard but his master Hannah alien is content on being number two for now. Jay and Hannah for 24 hours a day. Loving it! (WIN)
Eagle Down
I believe that Karen is your number one fan. She listens to the show every day. She even listens to your broadcast in the evenings when you do them and its like when you were in elementary school and you tell your mom this little girl, she’s always picking on me. Well, your mom says well, she really likes you. So, I think she’s just your number one fan who loves you and figured that if she just picks on you, you’ll play her on the radio all the time and if she’s not your number one fan I’d definitely keep that knife on you. (WIN)
Me
I am a republican, but I do believe Biden will win 2024. Not because he’s 2 – 0, but because there’s other reasons behind it. They will find he’s unfit and put Kamala in there because she’s a black woman and that will fit their agenda perfect.
Miss E. Merica
So, I may have called into a conservative radio show on Tuesday to help a certain person out with Valentine’s Day and I might be in a profession that is Valentine’s Day is very important for her and as soon as I hung up, I went to get on Facebook and I was banned for sexual exploitation of a certain gentleman hanging from a balloon with a crackpipe in his mouth. Is Facebook conspiring against me not being able to advertise my business during my biggest holidays? (WIN)
Uncle Buck
Well Mark earlier you mentioned project Blue Beam and I thoroughly believe that Joe Biden, even though he’s a dunce, is using something to project his failures on to us Americans. For example, the train wrecks, he is a train wreck. The balloons we had the Hindenburg, which was a colossal failure and Biden always gets his wires crossed and causes disasters every time he talks, and all these beached whales, well I haven’t been able to assimilate that but I thoroughly believe Kamala Harris has something to do with the beached whales. So, we’ll find out. (WIN)
Rusty Shackleford
Ok, this is in regards to why Jay has been beating your butt so badly since the first of the year in your trivia contest. It kind of coincides with the very timing of your introduction of the top secret documents. What would be more top secret than the answers or the questions of the trivia contest. So, I think Hannah and Jay have been teaming up behind your back in regards to it. (WIN)
Eagle Down
So, Biden, he’s needing a VP for 2024 and he finally decided on Nancy but, like I said before, Nancy needs to go home to her home planet, but her Uber ride has been showing up but the last second Biden says “Shoot it down!” Boom. Then her next one in Canada. Boom. She had her third Uber over Heron, Lake Heron and boom, he shoots it down and Nancy, she’s pretty mad. She just wants to go back to her planet and Biden don’t want her to. (WIN)
Witness Protection Elvis
Normal, we’re loving God, country, and family. We’re normal. Color us red, white, and blue. We know, the Chinese spy balloon got what it wanted and that Joe just lied to us every time his lips moved. Worry, toxic rain and exploding trains make us worry. Wondering, how the national anthem became two. Normal, were opposed to brain washing in grades school. We’re normal for defying you twisted Bidens. We’re normal and crazy is you. (WIN)
Murf
It’s come to our attention in the last few weeks that there are hundreds, if not thousands of Chinese nationals crossing over into the United States. I wonder if there’s some correlation between those Chinese nationals coming into the US and all at once an increase in rail derailments is taking in the US.
Max Power
We all learned from Alex Jones that are whole come raising elite cabal of lizard people and I think it’s very clear that their overlords from planets origins unknown are coming here to get them back They don’t want to go, so they keep blowing them out of the sky.
Mr. Wayne
Alright, they are literally blinding us within all of this happening. The five-acre fire in South Florida this morning. The train derailments that nobody knows what’s happening spilling the quote unquote hazardous chemicals, all in the week of the names of the Epstein files getting released. Everybody that we’ve watched, politicians, athletes, we’re going to find out actually who it is and they’re trying to distract us from that so bad and they’re literally running out of options now and they think the American people are too stupid, and we’re not. We know the truth. (WIN)
Ace
This is a follow up to my Pelosi one from a couple of weeks ago. I called from the police; they heard the music in the background. Ok, so now remember the Chinese spy balloon came after that. And do you remember when they found the husband or whatever the guy in their little underwear? I think the spy balloon was searching for the jams. Hammer down! Hammer time! And they’re going to… (Dumped).
JQ
My conspiracy theory is that we have been captured by the British Crown. That we are the victims of a royal death racket and that monarch powers allow them to control military and intel agencies, keep things secret forever. They can pick the prime minister, do all this stuff. They killed McKinley, JFK. They tried to assassinate Regan and we’re in the current processes of the regime change operation to restart America, declare bankruptcy, and have a new nation. (WIN)
Shadow Warrior
Couldn’t understand what he was saying. He was dumped.
The Only Mostly Dead Voter
The Chinese spy balloon was not surveying U.S. military installations. Russia asked China to survey our pipelines in Alaska, Montana, and North Dakota so they could get a layout of how best to destroy them in retaliation because they believe the U.S. blew up the Nord Stream 2 from what they consider interference in Ukraine. After this, they plan to disrupt oil shipments via rail, which is why we have been seeing these train accidents lately, which are dry runs. (WIN)
Dr. Pepper
It’s my theory that Mike DeWine is worse than Joe Biden. DeWine probably has stock with Norfolk Southern because he also had stock with the pharmaceutical companies and we all know how well that’s going right now. DeWine had to get Michael Regan out from the EPA to test the water and take a sip, mind you this is water not even Bobby Boushey can fix, and they had to give their stamp of approval that it was good water to drink. So, it is my theory that Mike DeWine, like Bobby Boushey’s mom would say, is of the devil. (WIN)
Canadian Bacon
My conspiracy theory is about American Trivia Warrior and its time to put this to bed. So I had this conspiracy for a while but Jay kept winning so Jay won like nine weeks in a row and I didn’t think of it but I think Mark, on his control panel, has an audio sync button. So, Mark gets to hear the questions live and Jay has a two second delay. (WIN)
Spider Pig
Alright, I’m a habitual watcher of the Mark Kaye Show while I’m shirking at work on Rumble. So, I noticed there’s a new Karen that is giving comments. You know she’s been really soft core trolling you guys today with comments like I’m going to give up harassing Mark for lint, saying you guys all look lovely today, and watch Jay wear that damn shirt tomorrow. So, these are really soft core and lame trolling comments and that’s why I think it’s fake. (WIN)
Biden Sniffed Her
With all of this paperwork being found at Biden’s house, in his think tank, and I believe they found some of it at the University of Delaware as well, I have the feeling that they are going to go after Biden and use him as the sacrificial lamb in order to get the big guy who is Donald Trump. So, you know, he’s had top secret documents found at his house as well. (WIN)
Witness Protection Elvis
Lazy train cars in East Palestine. Mushroom smoke clouds made life stock die. Tiny Pettie, your too little too late. You see Pete went AWOL while children coughed up blood and cried. Westward flows the contaminate flume. Cancer clusters to the Mississippi. But leisure time Pete couldn’t find the time till Trump bullied him to his knees. (WIN)
The Guido Sarducci
Ok, I have two of them and I think I can get them in. My theory on the train derailments and the manufacturing fires is from the Ukrainian soldiers coming here to the states to be trained and my second one is Biden’s think tank, he’s never had one, but he has tanked.
Count Floyd
Well, I’m going to talk about the guy who follows you here in this radio market. For legal reasons let’s call him Jean Panicky. I think he’s an operative for the Dems because he does the same show over and over again. He uses 15 words to basically he could use 3 to solve a point. Any time you disagree with him he interrupts you, does not let you make a point and he always talks about no experience Hunter, sippy cup Joe. Uses the same terminology over and over again and basically just wears you down and he thinks that singing a country song will make everything better. (WIN)
Hill Billie
Ok, so you’re hearing a lot of talk about the cocaine bear. Well, it just so happens to be that back in the day I heard that it comes from, well lets just say word of mouth past down. So, there were three separate little packages that were dropped from this smugglers plane and well they think they found two fully retrieved no cocaine missing, but there’s this third amount that the bear had actually got into and their claiming that this bear consumed about 40 pounds of cocaine. Not a bit left. (WIN)
Butter Bean
All the left got together in the think tank and came up with the thought of Hey, if we have these guys going and drink water out of a faucet at somebody’s house in Palestine, Ohio, then everybody would be convinced that its good because nobody’s going to think about the fact that that water came through a pipe, from a tower, probably chances of it ever being tainted are zero and they should have gone to a well and sucked that down and seen the expression on their face on that one. (WIN)