January 2023 Mark Kaye's Kayetriot's Conspiracy Theories
January 5th, 2023
Mark
Ok, tomorrow is January 6th, which is obviously the two-year anniversary of the big resurrection or riot, whatever you want to call it. Tomorrow Byron Donalds becomes elected the first person of color or African-American speaker of the house ever to be house of speaker. But more so it blows the media’s and Democrats minds tomorrow on the anniversary because it will seal their funding. (WIN)
Bummed Out Buckeye
Ok, this conspiracy is about why Noah Ruggles had his Ray Finkle moment of 2022. It was said pretty often that the Mercedes dome was very hot and that’s probably why you saw players passing out. It wasn’t the Myocarditis or anything like that, it was just the heat because Georgia doesn’t believe in passing out water for elections so why are they going to pass it out for football games. When it came time for the game winning field goal attempt, the maintenance man realized they needed some AC. He kicked it on and it blew the ball wide left unfortunately. (WIN)
Tin Foil Hat Kris
I’ve donated some money to campaigns, red campaigns, recently to Herschel Walkers, to some others and I’m constantly constantly getting bombarded by solicitations, by email, text, phone calls, you name it, for more money and this is being done I don’t think by the Republican party. I think it’s being done by the Democrat party because if you get bombarded, you aren’t going to send money. You get tired of it. (WIN)
Shaun
Ok, so my sister believes that the cellphone towers remits signals to where the government can later on control crowds like protestors or whatever and submit a signal that can bring you to your knees and how this happens is I guess some type of waves that their scientists are coming up with and she also believes that the shots contain like a metal object that helps that as well. (WIN)
Little Debbie
Ok, the storage containers that are being used by Arizona for a makeshift boarder wall, I see those as a conspiracy theory by the federal government. At night they are filling those from the Mexico side with illegals and then the federal government comes in and loads them up to red states to increase their voter base. (WIN)
Joe Biden’s Plumber
Well, plumbers talk to plumbers and what I’ve heard is that when Biden was in the White House, he did have an accident. Trying to cover for it, he flushed his underwear down the toilet and the Vatican plumbing is old. It backed the system up for about six hours and the Pope got so teed off he made a papal decree that Biden would never visit the White House, never visit the Vatican again. (WIN)
Jack Of All Trades
I believe what’s going on right now in the congress is just a show front to cover up for the Bunson case. This way it’s a big distraction. This way the supreme court can rule without all the other distractions like what happened with Roe vs Wade and I think from there that we can get rid of the majority of the trash if the supreme court does the right thing.
Witness Protection Elvis
Once a very rich man bought Twitter up in San Fran run in the town of nasty Pelosi. Went there to confirm that they conspired with our government to send federal agents to silence you and me. Russia-gate and spy-gate, New York Post and Laptop, banning Trump and hiring the daughter of Fauci. DHS, DNC, DOJ, and FBI all used to control us for all eternity. (WIN)
January 12th, 2023
Nanook of the North
The real Joe Biden is either not alive or in an induced coma or he’s frozen up like Han Solo. Obama stated he wanted to have a mouthpiece so that he can listen to and do his bidding, but his cognitive ability made him too stupid to follow directions, so he had to go. It was noted that in some of his pictures lately there were some irregularities in his appearance. Those are the body doubles. We still get the gaffs because they’re not the brightest. They wear the fancy sunglasses to cover their eyes so that they can’t tell the change and when they forget their glasses, they squint really hard. (WIN)
Invisible Tiger of Matt Gaetz
With the new congress being sworn in, it’s a lot of things being uncovered that the Democrats don’t like and in order to keep us from not paying attention, they need to randomize their excuses. We’re seeing Swalwell take to twitter and say a bunch of stupid stuff. And obviously he is just a randomizer machine. They just feed him in the lines, and he farts them out. He’s notorious for that and when we smell what he’s given us, we just roll our eyes and that way when we’re rolling our eyes, we’re not paying attention to the truth. (WIN)
Bob We Had a Baby It’s a Boy
Ok, so with the truther community, AKA Q, QAnon all that stuff, there’s white hats vs. black hats. That’s why we’re seeing stuff behind the scenes, in front of the scenes, all that stuff. One of the things that I’m realizing is that maybe it’s not necessarily white and black hats that are against each other. Maybe the white hats are trying to take over the black hats because it’s one of those that is trying to bring in the Anti-Christ before the actual Christ. So, a lot of people might be deceived in thinking they’re going for the truther community when really, it’s basically Lucifer vs. Satan. (WIN)
The Only Mostly Dead Voter
Besides the deep state, there’s an organization that’s infiltrated all government agencies including the DOJ and FBI. They call themselves the Government Operatives of Biden, or by the acronym GOOBs. They’re aim is to help in the tyrannical take over in all aspects of the government. They actually started out as a benign organization under Trump and were known as the Government Representatives and Operatives of Trump, and their motto was we are GROOT. They have since become corrupted, become the thought police, and answer only to you Jay or Uncle Joe, AKA BB, Big Brother. (WIN)
D
Yeah, they’re finding all these documents now but where they need to be looking really is actually in Hunter Biden’s paintings. He’s been deciphering the documents and hiding them and selling all the top secrets to all the highest bidders. We need to have a military analyst go over Hunter Biden’s activities with his paintings because all our top secrets… (lost connection) (WIN)
Witness Protection Elvis
Out in the west Texas town of El Paso the Feds made the encampment the cleanest in the world then hid the illegals in the roses cantina while Joe’s photo op made the Texicans hurl. Dollar signs are in the eyes of the Narcos. Their tattooed eyes smiling as Joe cast his spell. They traffic children meth and fentanyl. The press core is corrupt, so they never tell. Last two more new illegal aliens in the population of Houston came for welfare and free Biden phones. Now they can fast track with Joe’s new application. A few little taps and South America good-bye. (WIN)
Cheese Wiz
A couple of months ago when Gavin Newsome quote visited the White House, he was really there to pick up some copies of the keys to Biden’s garage. I think we’ll see that he was there to sort of plant some information, you might say. That’s what’s really happening.
Sandman
Biden, you can tell from his dark and lifeless look is actually an alien from an olfactory world where the inhabitants live off the aroma molecules of little girls’ hair. That’s what’s in these documents. Before they’re revealed, it will be found that the men in black are real. They’ve enlisted Obama and his wife to take Biden back to his world, then they’re going back to their world where weak men are ruled by Amazonian women. (WIN)
Deep Corvette
Ok, as we all just found out they found these, quote unquote documents from Biden in all these places. Have you noticed that everything they have been accusing Donald Trump of doing, of hiding stuff at Mar-a-Lago? Well, now they’re finding out that Biden is now doing exactly the same things. So, what they’re trying to do is set up for the election so when Trump comes in and says, “you did this to me.” Well, Biden can turn around and say, “Well, they did this to me too. Look at what they found there. Look at what they did there. Look at how they’re handling this.” So, Biden is trying to cancel out Trumps ability to be able to go after him for certain things like the documents that are classified. (WIN)
J.K.
Ok, the reason they’re going to do this to Biden is they’re going to knock out two birds with one stone. They want to get rid of Biden and they want to get rid of Trump and this is the way to do it. They’ll get rid of Biden by finding him guilty. They’ll get rid of Trump by finding him also guilty and both of them will be gone and that way he won’t have to run, and Trump won’t run against him.
January 19th, 2023
Codename
Ok, so the Chinese developed the covid to ruin America’s economy and the elites use this to get rid of Trump and the elites developed the covid vaccine and that is filled with viruses and infections that will cause heart problems ext. and the New World Order wants to decrease the population by 2030. So, by 2030 everybody with the jab will be dead except the ones that didn’t. (WIN)
Achilles
Ok, so just like female circumcisions done in other countries is designed to damage their sexuality, so is male circumcision. You’re externalizing what’s intended to be an internal organ. You’re altering the basic evolved mechanics of the penis and male circumcision from the very beginning was designed to damage our sexuality and I apologize, that’s not a conspiracy theory. It’s a fact. (WIN)
Double Agent
We the people shall contract the very best team of … (cut out)
Mr. Red From California
Is Hannah an alien? Didn’t the carnivore diet start around the time old Jay went away. The new Jay now recruits for his master, one employee at a time. Does that tattoo say death? Meanwhile, Marks immune system is always under assault from a co-worker (cough, cough) while she openly plots his demise on the air just to one day rule his show. Hannah and Jay for three hours a day? Loving it! (WIN)
Witness Protection Elvis
Reeking of Swanston near Delaware bay, that’s where the red Chinese and president’s son went out to play. At Hunters garage sale works in the USA where they copied our secrets and the Bidens got paid. Hookers gaffed as the cleaned up the crack pipes, shocked by the top-secret files there. Joe smirked and said just line the bird cage then shyster lawyers came. After the election they whispered to their hacks, yet Hunters old man he fled at Afghanistan still has his back. History will tell us they’re one big disgrace to our one great nation and the whole human race. (WIN)
Crouching Eagle
In 2020, Joe Biden removed appointees on the military board of advisors that takes a look at the military and their dealings. As time has gone on, they have been forced to remove the vaccine mandate which they forced on their soldiers. Those that have taken it have a high risk of cardiac arrest, which has led to many deaths in the past with regards to athletes in Europe. (WIN)
Double Lot
Ok, so the world elites, I don’t think they want Biden to run again, I think we all might know that a little bit. They used the classified documents to prevent Biden from running again. But, then they also, they killed two birds with one stone. They used that same premise to prevent Trump from running again.
Moon Pie
On Saturday, January 21, Biden will have been in office two years and one day and that extra day is significant. So, one of two things will happen. Either the White House doctor will declare him incompetent, or they will say that he is resigning due to all the classified documents found, which by the way they found more docs when Biden underwent a colonoscopy. Anyway, then they will announce that Kamala is the new president, since she is next in line. At that point, she will appoint Obama and I’m not sure if that will be Barry or Mike as her VP and they can complete the terms since there is less than two years remaining. So, then we will have Harris / Obama for eight more years. (WIN)
Conspiracy Theory
President Zelensky at our congress, the speech, he said that he does not want American’s money as charity. He wanted the money to be as a global put in and he said he would put in, and then he said Putin right behind that. Alright, does that mean that he was saying that he was going to put in Putin, or that he was going to pooting as in poot out of his butt end? (WIN)
Spank
The FBI and the DOJ have conspired to intimidate pro-lifers by their malicious arrest and prosecution of Mark Houck, who’s trial is happening today in Philadelphia. Mark is a sidewalk councilor and more than a dozen FBI agents raided his home to arrest him with guns drawn. That’s ridiculous. Since the Hobbs decision in June, more than 100 crisis pregnancy centers have been attacked with more than a million dollars in damages. The FBI hasn’t arrested a single person for any of those crimes. (WIN)
Parcel
Ok, as we know, M&Ms recently fired their spokes candies because they were too controversial. Instead, they hired Myra Rudolf which she’ll be controversial pretty soon because people will realize that she plays Kamala Harris on Saturday Night Live and everybody’s going to get nauseous thinking about that. To remedy this, M&Ms and Mars company will partner with apple and create the i-candy so they’ll go out and looking for America’s next top model, which will be Hannah Guile, and they will sell these all across Costco. (WIN)
Dingle Berry
My theory is no theory. Actually, it dovetails right in with your internet problems you’re experiencing. When I was searching the web last night, I found a website where I think both Pence, Biden, and Trump must have used this moving service to move their documents. It was two comrades in a truck. (WIN)
Scott
Well the government’s known about this for some time and everybody’s aware that the center of the earth is full of hot molten lava. That lava is slowly cooking the exterior of the Earth which is affecting the gravitational pull of the moon. I’ve been able to figure that out because over the years when I fell when I was younger the ground was very soft. Didn’t get hurt at all. I fall now and it is as hard as a rock and it makes it more difficult to get up because that gravitational pull must be holding me down. (WIN)
Boomhauer
So, Russia went fishing and Ukraine’s the bait. They wanted us to send our weapons over there and eventually send our newest weapons over there, which is what they are doing right now. The M1 Abrams tank, they’re sending what, 21 of them? This is all, I think a game. I think Zelensky is actually in on it, to get our latest and greatest weapons system so Russia has obviously all our know what we are doing so they can know how to shoot our missiles down and how to counter our military technology. I think they’re all in on it. (WIN)
Metal Head
Alright, my conspiracy theory is that Marks wife is actually Karen. She gets drunk as soon as Mark heads to work because he has a sound system wired throughout the house tuned into the radio so she never gets a break because he hides her car keys and locks down the house so she can’t escape. They’ve been slowly driving her insane. She sobers up by the time he gets home and acts like nothing is wrong. It’s also why he doesn’t ban her from the show. (WIN)
The Only Mostly Dead Voter
Both the covid virus and the vaccine were designed to align the electrical die poles of the iron in our blood, turning our blood vessels into big antennae. It is then used to track us, give instructions, or to send electrical impulses causing miocartioinfartsion if they don’t like your play on the football field. It may explain young women telling men that they are younger than they are, or people pulling their lunch out of the garbage to see if they are still good, or ordering from Joe Biden’s campaign. (WIN)
Crazy Casey From Indian Lake
I am a consumer of adult beverages and I have been recycling aluminum foil for the longest time and since everybody has been taking over and they don’t want to hear anybody’s conspiracy, the price of aluminum has totally dropped. So, when I go to the store I buy aluminum foil, which is constantly going up and I think it is a conspiracy against all of us people on this face of the Earth who take and wants to recycle our hat. (WIN)
Bubble Wrap
Alright. Two ways I can prove that Buttigieg was raised by the Russians. First of all, they gave him a record player when he was little and he played that song Brown Eyed Girl but he played it backwards because that’s not the brown eyed girl that I’m chasing. That’s not the brown eyed girl (call was dumped by Mark)
Dark Wing Duck
So, after exposing Hannah’s almost supervillainist plot to incapacitate Mark and hapless Jay, I believe that her new plan is to take over the Jacksonville advertising market, and therefore making her able to buy her own show. Allah, about a month and a half from now, like Vincent McMahon did to WCW, Hannah will pop on and announce that she currently owns the Mark Kaye Show and will kick Mark off. Boom. (WIN)
Tin Foil Skip
People are starting to notice the abnormal gate of President Biden, and that he seems to be wearing leg braces from the knees down. However, these are no ordinary leg braces but robotic leg braces from Boston Dynamics. They were installed after the Secret Service agents got tired of Joe wandering off in the wrong direction after giving speeches or public events. So, now when creepy Joe tries to go to the rope line and sniff little girls hair, the Secret Service pushes a button on the remote control device and makes Biden walk where he’s supposed to go. (WIN)