January 2024 Mark Kaye's Kayetriot's Conspiracy Theories
January 4th, 2024
Late Night With Fetterman
Oprah is an Epstein agent. She’s double O 107. She launched O magazine with beautiful pictures of Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz to generate revenue. She used said revenue to purchase laser drone technology so she could start a forest fire on the Maui island so she could create her own island, Winfrey Island. She needs Winfrey Island so she can groom girls to be whiny, unhappy liberals for the DIE agenda. DIE stands for Divide Instant Equity. (WIN)
Whataburger Beats Wahlburger
Ok, every red blooded and unvaccinated American has been patiently awaiting the Epstein list to come out. They’ve been refreshing their X just to see it. But the caution is the reason it took so long is because somebody that rhymes with Killary has gotten with Google to make sure they get a special care package to every IP address that Googles who is on the Epstein list. So, therefore if you get a care package from said murderer, you are not going to have a good day. (WIN)
Maga With That Swaga
Well, a phenomenon started in the 40’s with Elinore Roosevelt when she kind of took over as president when her husband had a stroke. Well then Clinton saw that in the history books and tried to create Hillary care to try to get a 16-year term. Then Michelle Obama right out of the gate started talking about the need to change history, which is impossible unless you work behind the scenes to tear down statues to hide the fact that the Democrat party was pro slavery and then they started promoting trans sexual lifestyles to make it seem bigoted to be against the first trans president. So, I came up with a name for this whole phenomenon. Presidential Office Squatters, or POS. (WIN)
Angry Cat Lady
Ok, there was an earthquake in China. This was around Christmas, you weren’t here. There was a volcano that’s very similar. I’ll explain this as a Geologist. There was an earthquake in Japan just recently. It’s called plate tectonics. That’s how it works. I’m really worried about California. They’re next on the list. And there’s no way, no way heavy buildings of any worth, anyway, that have caused earthquakes or New York would have had one and they never did. Thank you, sir. (WIN)
Billy Agnes
We should be able to build a drone that looks like a bird with 3D printing, and it should not be that hard. I mean, the schools are doing it. So, why not do that to slip in, instead of looking like a drone, look like a bird, and you know have an upper feather. (WIN)
Bella 714
Ok, my conspiracy theory is of course everybody thinks that the government controls the weather. But what’s really going on with our unusually warm, warm, winter weather throughout the country is they’re protecting all the immigrants that are coming into our country. They’re making sure they’re able to assimilate into the temperatures and everything is ok. (WIN)
Bobby Gorgeous
This is going to be a short conspiracy. I personally believe that the FBI did in fact kill Mr. Martin Luther King.
A Pimp Named Slickback
A Pimp Named Slickback conspiracy is what do Nancy Pelosi, Paul Ryan, Chucky Schumer, Mitch McConnell, George W. Bush, John Kerry, Barack Obama, John McCain, and Mitt Romney have in common? They are all the part of the Repubricrats. Therefore, they hate Donald Trump because he’s not in their group. A Pimp Named Slickback has spoken in 2024. (WIN)
January 11th, 2024
The Ghost Of Herman Gary
Ok, my theory of conspiracy is conspiracy to suppress the glory of the enemy. So, in World War 2 the top 300 German fighter pilots shot down over 30,000 allied planes, saw an average of 100 each, with the top score being 352. His name was Eric Hartman. (WIN)
Fresh Brisket On The Board
A while back ago Joe Biden said he was going to cure cancer. Well, it was determined that Lloyd Austin is the cancer and therefore that’s why he went missing. They had to go find a body double as they shift him of to Gitmo with all the other evil doers and so therefore as Babylon Bee has stated, John Fetterman has become more conservative after his surgery that Lloyd Austin’s new body double will therefore be conservative just like John Fetterman and tell all the dirty deeds that the Biden administration is doing. (WIN)
Maga With That Swaga
In Genesis there’s a tower built by Nimrod the great hunter and today in the halls of power there’s a great nimrod named Hunter. He’s showing up at hearing blowing up the spot. They yell tax evasion, corruption and he says, “That’s all you got?” He needs a crack team of lawyers not a team crack lawyers. They have his back with his tax. They’re his Hunny-bunny brawlers. He’s audacious enough to attend his own execution and complain about those who choose to be his substitution. But Mark, he ought to have a job asking you paper or plastic. If we did his crimes, we’d be finding out if our sphincter was elastic. The godfather Joe always calls his son Fretto. You know what’s odd his father used the code name Pizza Pedo. We don’t need his gaffs just for laughs. Let’s dump this chump. Get the nation back on the path. Do the math. Vote for Trump. (WIN)
January 18th, 2024
Late Night With Fetterman
Jerry Nadler and Nancy Pelosi said Mexicans are crop pickers. So, MITT which stands for Mitt Romney’s Institute of Total Technology for woke conservatives have diverged to the research team to fund surge of Chinese immigrants at the border. We need to diversify Chinese into our neighborhoods and do research. Chinese people can tell us if the neighborhood we live in is either all right or all wong. Go Statue of Liberty. (WIN)
Night Watchman
Good afternoon, Mark. This is the Night Watchman. Between now and November 5th President Biden will be impeached. Kamala will be censored. President Trump will be the first President elected while in prison. All of this will happen under the effects of the machine. It’s all outlined in a book called The Night Watchman and he’s looking at you, amazon.
Job
Ok, all you have to do is type in dark matter / Sodom and Gamora and you’re going to get a real belly laugh and if that doesn’t work, try Manuel the Bandito.
B Watts
I believe that this immigration, whatever word you want to use is actually a nefarious plot to implement the social credit system into America. Create the problem. Have the solution and that is it.
Maga With That Swaga
There once was a silly clown named Kamala who met with a willy brown at Ramada. Another slick willy named Clinton made a mess of a party that’s blue and even worse mess of a dress the same hue. Chris Kristy tried to make is party better and raise the morale till he scammed enough cheddar to buy a Golden Corral. Barrak was as smart. He was taught by his mommy. She helped him pronounce economy but like him it just came out a commy. Since Rand Paul gave his endorsement for Nikki Haley, her slogan is like Morgan and Morgan for the green and scaly. Why vote for an old codger with swampy underpants? Just vote for Nikki for an inauguration with lots of swamp and circumstance. (WIN)
Romo Loves Mahomes
Ok, if shopping at Cabela’s and the other stores that put you on the insurrection list doesn’t scare you enough, imagine buying barbeque sauce at Aldi, which is in coop with Clause Swab in the World Economic Forum to track whether or not your are eating the crickets that they prescribed you. If there’s any Christians in this world that you should be scared of its Clause Swab. After all he’s the one who sat and listened through the yurgling rock and roll artist during last years Davos ceremony’s, so that is all ….. (WIN)
Winston Smith
If Trump moves closer to the nomination, the uni-party establishment is increasing the drum beat to nominate a nefarious, non-cinex, globalist, RINO, neocon, bird brain, fraud named Nikki Haley as VP pick. This is all part of the plan. The lawfare is backfiring. They can’t win the elections fair and square. There is no room to cheat. The only option is to place Haley in the VP spot and eliminate Trump after the election. How can they do this without being obvious? First, the compliant press will do whatever it takes to make it look like an accident. Second, the CIA covers up assassinations all the time. Finally, the deep state will bury any and all the evidence. The totalitarian guy is cast. (WIN)
No Hair Sniffer
For some reason Kamala drops off the ticket. I can offer all kinds of suggestions but anyway, I’ll keep it clean. Kamala drops off the ticket and so Hillary on as Vice President. March or February, March, April, sometime Joe has some kind of medical issue and Hillary is President. (WIN)
C Squared
Well, I’m going to be a little more positive than that guy two times ago. Ron DeSantis’s big announcement in a state that shouldn’t have any significance that is going to be a big old announcement. Well, he has good news and bad news. He is dropping out of the presidential race, but he’s reconciled with Donald Trump to accept the Vice President initially. (WIN)
Cat Daddy
Everyone needs to understand that the Democrats have already played their cards. There is one left to play and now that they have stopped their primaries on their part, they have their candidate. But what happens after its too late to have it and he backs out and they get to pick whom ever, and it won’t be Kamala. All the people crossing over the border right now are not seen as immigrants. They’re seen as new voters. All you have to do is give them a driver’s license. They have the right to vote in America. Every state does this. Can someone please try to prove this wrong. (WIN)
January 25th, 2024
MAGA Camp Counselor
Ok, Vivek constantly called Nikki Hailey a puppet. Another name for puppet is dummy. Nikki Hailey is such a dummy she claimed she got kicked out of a beauty pageant but really it was her cheerleading squad because she kept cheering for the other team. Nikki Hailey is such a dummy that she had her husband Bill named changed to Michael because there can only be one Bill and Hillary. Well, there’s also going to be another first spouse that’s named Michael as well soon. Also, she’s such a dummy that she thinks that the delegate’s low score wins with golf because Trump’s such a golfer, but she’ll soon find out that she’s the MAGA loser. (WIN)
Syphilis’s Hands
Nikki Haley’s compromised. She asked Kamala Harris why she sounds so confident in public. Kamala shared her secret by telling Nikki that she needs to wear hooked on polyester phonics. This amazing product, hooked on polyester phonics comes in four styles. Pants, blazers, dresses, and 4X hoodies, so it gives women and Fetterwomen the confidence that they think they found in public, but in reality, they sound like bbbbbeeteteetetetetebbrrrrrr. (WIN)
General Buck Turgeson
The US Airforce just named its new high tech IC system called sentinel to supposedly replace its aging minute man system. Filled with high tech features and easily upgradable, the sentinel system is a trojan horse for the deep state. Its AI engine will use aggregated search data to add FI curt servers based on their browsing on conservative sites, listening to conservative radio shows, and liking conservative tweets. When the moment comes after Trump wins the nomination the system will then launch with multiple warheads and target conservative cell phone locations. The hurt will then come raining down on conservatives. That’s eliminating the only remaining defense of the constitution. Of course, this is a government run project, so it probably won’t work anyway. (WIN)
Maga With That Swaga
I put in a FOIA request to obtain a transcript from a typical Biden campaign event and I was mortified at what it contained. A hazmat protocols with continual incontinency controversy was transcribed from walke talky chatter thusly:
At location exit stage right
“Joe blow five this is Joe blow three. We have a code number one. We have live streaming. I request. I repeat live streaming. Requesting at MOP ASAP.”
Exit stage left
“Joe blow six this is Joe blow four. We have a code number two. We are baking brownies. I repeat, we are baking brownies.” (WIN)
Angry Cat Lady
Alright. Now here’s the thing. There’s some people that are coming into our country. They’re bad, bad, bad people and we know that. Especially “oh, you’ll know my name. You’ll know who I am.” Ok, it’s going to happen. They’re pissed off because when the terrorist were trying to go further in DC they did not because the famous people in Pennsylvania, in Somerset Pennsylvania, the plane went down. And it’s going to happen sir. It’s going to be another 911. I’m sorry but I have to be honest. (WIN)
Merf
Imagine Chris Sununu at the center of a controversy where DeSantis got bushwacked. Last year people went to him with $100,000. Said run for President. Why? They wanted him and they wanted Trump both out of the party so they could go RINO right in the middle in 2028. Sununu was asked about running for President on Fox yesterday. He’s at the middle of this with the Cheney’s, the Bush’s, the Romney’s, the RINO’s. They want the party back and they bushwacked DeSantis to get him out of the way. (WIN)
The Only Mostly Dead
Joe Biden will not run his campaign from the basement. He will usually use close circuit and will be more coherent and spry and will be able to recite the Declaration of Independence and answer questions without cues. Yes, they are replacing him with an AI version. He won’t stutter except for the occasional max headroom type glitch. The Disneyland Hall of Presidents Joe Biden will used for public appearances. But there will be no Kamala Harris AI as the developers were getting too annoyed with it. (WIN)
Bunter Hiden
The attack that China is going to have on Taiwan is just a cover for their actual attack on the mainland of the United States. They’re planning a soft cue and Taiwan will just be a diversion. Joe Biden is so far in the Chi Coms pockets that he’s allowing the border to be overran with their nationals and whenever Taiwan is attacked by China, the cue will fart and then all of the saboteurs that are currently crossing our border and going to countries around our nation are going to attack and from the street levels to the politicians at the very top there are so many that are bought and paid for and China is planning a cue and it’s coming and if we don’t get Trump in there we’re all going to be learning Mandarin. (WIN)
Ralph
So, the breaking news of September 10th, the day before 911, was Donald Rumsfeld on the T.V. saying that 2.3 trillion dollars was missing from the funds in the military sector of the Pentagon. The next day 911 occurred. The airplane that hit the Pentagon hit the records keeping, financial records keeping departments of the Pentagon. Now there’s no clear shot to many airplanes hitting that so I’m not saying they didn’t hit it, but there’s no building on the planet that has less cameras pointed at it than the Pentagon does. And lastly, building 7 fell which held the back-up records for the Pentagon and building 7 was hit by nothing. (WIN)
Dark Mole
Ok, Hannah went out for her baby, but Hannah is like Superman. She’s the Clark Kent of the radio. She may have been out for the baby, but it was carefully timed for her to have that baby at the same time that the primaries were kicking up. Inside info has it that she was actually at both primaries and that Donald Trump may be surprising everybody and naming Hannah as his Vice President. (WIN)