March 2023 Mark Kaye's Kayetriot's Conspiracy Theories
March 2nd, 2023
Moe Destroyer of Lies
I sense there was controversy regarding Hannah’s age so I checked with my reliable sources. Turns out she’s not twenty-seven. She’s actually fifty-six. In the year 2051, she and her parents are, will be abducted by aliens. They recruited Hannah for a mission. They agreed to make her young again, send her back in time, so that she can be here with future knowledge to help Mark Kaye save the Republic. BTDubs, sorry Keith, Barbie was given the option seeing how old she is, and this is why she looks so amazing. (WIN)
Nanook of the North
Ok, recently, of course we all know about the problem with the egg shortage that’s happening. It was noted that the chickens are not producing enough eggs, all that stuff like that. Well the main commercial chicken feed is made by a company that starts with a P, I don’t want to get sued, and is owned by a woke company that took the made in America of their logo. In a recent video some farmers noted this and they changed the chicken feed to stuff a little more natural, and low and behold the chickens started responding with more eggs. I think the government is poisoning American feed so they don’t produce eggs and sending the good stuff to China. (WIN)
Parcel
Ok, we all know John Fetterman is MIA or AWOL, whatever you want to call him, but that’s because when he declared that he was John Fetterwoman, he thought he was going to be the poster child for international woman’s month in Hershey’s his home state. So, his wife went to Canada because this guy that you just played, at the very end you could hear him say Hershey’s of Canada. So, his wife went up north to tune him up a little bit and set the record straight that John Fetterwoman belongs on the Hershey bars. (WIN)
Coon Dog
The reason it took Joe Biden so long to shoot down the first Chinese surveillance balloon is to provide plausible deniability and reasoning for why they have the information they have that catcher are key or Hunter has given them in the past, but now he’s got a reason to explain it how they end up with information if something happens where they know things they shouldn’t really know. (WIN)
Not in Rush Lake
Ok, so we’ve had all the information all along. So, what the Hunter laptop computer, he wound up sending so many documents to China that they were trying to return them in those balloons, and unfortunately when it was discovered, they were just going to drop it in Washington, but when it was discovered in the US, we couldn’t shoot it down until it was over the water so those, all those documents wouldn’t come down on US soil. The first time they tried to return them when all those rental cars were wound up having to go on fire. (WIN)
Marc Kaye
Alright, so my conspiracy theory is that Joe Biden and a lot of the top Democrats are being paid off by China to basically destroy the country as much as possible, and the whole debacle with the 80 million dollars’ worth of equipment left in Afghanistan was part of that to weaken our military, weaken our country so that after world war three when China takes the US over, they all get high positions in the new regime in America. (WIN)
Tulio
Ok, my conspiracy is about nice not shooting and this person they were taking the lives after they commit the horrible sins that they did. But they’re actually people that are being brainwashed by maybe the vaccines and when they answer their phones and nobody talks on the other line and then you answer your phone and you don’t hear nothing, you’re actually being activated by a signal and then that’s how Pelosi will say she did get to paid to draw hammer on her husband. (WIN)
Pita
Ok, with recent advances in artificial intelligence as well as fusion technology, I believe the price of led is going to skyrocket in the recent months coming and propose legislation by liberals to restrict ammo sales as a result, will do this to hoard and stockpile led so in order to advance an alchemy technology resulting in converting the led into gold by way of artificial technology and fusion technology and its going to drive gold prices down and its going to make all the gold investments from all the smart people investing in gold dry up as well as not having bullets. (WIN)
March 9th, 2023
Spartacus
Ok, my conspiracy is the fact that politicians and fairy tales or fables are closely linked. Mitch McConnell takes after Humpty Dumpty. Not only does he have egg on his face after his great fall since he chose to go against Republicans and everything we stand for, he’s all cracked up and beat up and the reason that he fell might not be that obvious. It’s because he saw Jill Biden awarded the metal of courage to the woman of the year, Alba Rueda, who is actually a guy. (WIN)
Stank Frank
As I just started to say and I’ll say it again, how Jay will maintain his trophy next week. Oh, wait a minute. You three will be gone. That’s right. I guess and I hope that he took the office sharpie and marked up. Got that. Marked up, on the bottom where he recently won and will maintain in another week due to y’all’s absence. In the meantime, I hope that Heather has a great Mexican cruise, that he has a great time in Lego Land, and that you will enjoy freezing your gonads off in the northern snow. (WIN)
Tim Bucked Two
Back when Joe Biden was a Senator, he went and visited area 51. As he was walking through, he noticed a locked door. They would not let him in there. After he went through, he went back to that locked door and went in. He contacted some alien debris, and he has got a new disease. He has taken this disease back to Washington D.C. They call this disease the stupid disease. (WIN)
Princess Chester
You know how people will always root for the underdog. So, whenever DeSantis dissed you, now you’re not supporting him. So, Trump is dissing DeSantis so that DeSantis gets the underdog vote. Then at the end Trump backs out and says hey guys, give all, I’m going to give all my voters. You vote for DeSantis. He’s the good guy. Kind of like when Harris was running against Biden and then he chose her for Vice President. Well then DeSantis can choose Trump as Vice President. (WIN)
Ex-Jay Walker
Even the Democrats are fed up with Joe and Kamala and their both about to be overthrown. Kamala is arms been twist to resign and once she resigns, Joe is going to elect Jefferies as Vice President. Once Jefferies gets in, the Dems are going to throw Joe under the bus with the 26th amendment, making Jefferies the president. Once Jefferies is the President, he’s going to appoint Michelle Obama as the V.P. (WIN)
Pimp Named Slickback
My conspiracy theory is that Jay, being the professional actor that he was, maintains his acting equipment such as his props and that on the nights when Hannah, AKA, Heather, has her trivia, he disguises himself and sits in the restaurant or the pub, listens to all the questions, and therefore, because of the acting ability that he has, he acts as though he knows some of the answers and doesn’t know other answers and is able to beat Mark Kaye in trivia. (WIN)
Chevy
Well, I think Hannah is going to go purposely missing on her cruise. That way the search guards can be out for her, and they’ll be looking for her and it will get the attention of Big Daddy D and he’s going to even go looking for her because he’s going to be concerned that he’s not going to have a Florida voter anymore. And then he comes on the show. (WIN)
Pillsbury Dough Boy
Ok, ever wonder why Jackie Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis. Supposedly Aristotle and Jackie Kennedy were big shipping people, and they were at odds with each other, and part of the Greek philosophy is that when you take down your enemy, you own what is his. So, my conspiracy theory is that Aristotle Onassis had John Kennedy killed, took Jackie as his winnings because when he died, she was left with nothing. (WIN)
Busted Brackets
Ok, since the grand jury is failing to do anything right now and they keep getting sent home, Donald Trump is going to have lunch with A.G. Braggs at his favorite place; McDonalds, of course. Well, Trump is going to order an impossible whooper because it’s impossible to stick anything to him. A.G. Braggs is going to, well, we’re at McDonalds. I’m getting a Big Mac. So, when they get served, Trump is actually going to get a Big Mac because that seems to be his favorite thing, with a diet Coke, and A.G. Braggs is going to open up his little cheeseburger box and find out it’s nothing but a nothing burger. (WIN)
The Only Mostly Dead Voter
Biden pushed the extended covid lockdown from stimulus, but who was his handler? Who greatly benefited from the lockdowns. Follow the money. During the lockdowns, people could not go to the movies, restaurants suffered excreta. People could however download iTunes with their stimulus money. Who came out with two albums in a row, redid some of her catalog and was one of the top money makers last year? Taylor Swift. Perhaps she had some dirt on Joe like he sniffed her hair too long at some event. Her song “No Body, No Crime” hints at this with the line, “it smells like infidelity.” (WIN)
Sparky
So, everybody’s talking about the insults that Donald Trump has spread on DeSantis and that they’re battles, but under the surface, if you remember right, Trump backed DeSantis on his governorship. I think, in my personal opinion, that Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis are in cahoots and it’s going to turn around and it’s going to be a Ron DeSantis, Donald Trump ticket. (WIN)
Anonymous
No answer
Mushroom
My PBR brain trust and myself heard a roomer that we the government are paying for hush money fund for high ranking government officials and it’s all fed by tax payer dollars. Now, I’m planting the seed. I think people need to get out and investigate that and make sure if it’s true or false but I have an idea that it’s true.
Super Fly
I think the reason that Joy Behar is so against Donald Trump is that she has a secret crush on him and that she’s upset because he supposedly had an affair with Stormy Daniels when she wanted it to be with her so that she can have an affair with Donald Trump. (WIN)
Not Chris
I believe on one hand the Democrats are completely trying to smear Trump, you know, obviously with all the inditements and with all that kind of stuff and on the other hand they’re completely trying to boost his numbers because they know with all that baggage when they go against him that he would be the best candidate and trying to downgrade DeSantis numbers. So, I think it’s rigged.
Shocker Jock
Well Mark, researchers are alarmed by the rise in temperatures of the core temperature of the Earth, so much, in fact, that they are starting to worry that the pressure caused by the increased temperature of the Earth will start to expand the fossil fuels that are stored beneath the ground of the earth, causing increased earthquakes and volcanoes. In fact, the only way to relieve this pressure is to drill more. (WIN)
Duke
Ok, so the United States has not been sending any kind of advanced technology to help out with the war effort in Ukraine. I believe this is a ploy. The entire invasion of Russia into Ukraine is actually a ploy to try to draw us out and show off some of the new stuff we got. We all know about the F-35 which is an awesome and very capable fifth generation fighter. The United States Air Force and the United States Navy have been in work since 2013 of the FA-XX program, which is supposed to be the first sixth generation stealth fighter. (WIN)
Not Hunter
Ok, so you’ve seen in movies where they smuggle things in big barrels and they put a little bit of food on top so it looks like barrels of that. Well Jenny’s ice cream takes a five-gallon buckets of ice cream. Puts Chinese money in it, launders it, and puts a little bit of ice cream for one cone. So, whenever you see Joe Biden eating an ice cream and smiling, it’s because it’s payday. The other day, he’s at the business performance meeting. What he really meant was I came down here because I hear there was Chinese money and I got a whole safe full of Chinese money upstairs. Also, his favorite flavor is the one they send the bucket full of women’s hair for him to sniff. (WIN)
Not a Reds Fan
Ok, it’s been rumored that April fool’s day is going to be canceled this year. Not because of the trans-gender army but because Biden didn’t want to have another holiday about himself. Biden’s so dumb that he has to call Best Buy to Geek Squad that he gets them confused with the Greek Squad all the time. He thinks Shawarma is Karma and let’s be honest let’s come back, circle back and hit him right where it belongs and, you know, we’re all going to be saved one of these days. Well, I guess we’re going to have to wait until 2024 when Trump wins. (WIN)
The Only Mostly Dead Voter
We hear Biden making quotes like “If I were allowed to take you upstairs you got a whole freezer full of ice cream.” And the news is always showing him eating ice cream. Where is he getting all this ice cream. What if besides receiving payments in cash through his son, he is also receiving payments in ice cream in China. It may explain why he praises China rather than Canada. China originally invented ice cream and the recipe is brought back to Italy by Marco Polo. Follow the ice cream. (WIN)
Witness Protection Elvis
Couldn’t hear him
Leo Sandy
We have an unwitting patriot in the government. Somebody you would have not expect to have been a patriot. But it turns out this person has done everything possible to make it obvious what really went on without meaning to do so. We have started with creating a dangerous threat to the entire population, the China virus, and after creating that threat then making sure that everybody got poisoned either with it or with something very similar to it only for the purpose of exposing what China is doing and making it so that the country can now respond to the real threat that China is. That patriot being Dr. Fauci. (WIN)
Truth Sayer
We all know that Alvin Bragg has put the grand jury on hold as he looks to possibly drop the entire legal issue against Trump. What has been reported, it officially isn’t odd. Two, it’s well past statue of limitation. What’s not being reported is his true reasoning. If he proceeds with this matter, it may be used in two cases against himself as well as others within his office several cases involving former governor Andrew Cuomo and other politicians. And now they have info of payouts for same allegations against President Biden, including some payouts to families regarding his children. (WIN)
Kermit
Well, a couple of things. President Biden likes to go to bed early at night, put a cap on his day and he also likes ice cream. I think he’s lactose intolerant. I think he eats too much ice cream at bed time and he has to go to bed and take care of things.