May 2023 Mark Kaye's Kayetriot's Conspiracy Theories
Colonel Sanders
Ok, a long time ago in a galaxy far away when George Lukas created a sci fi film he didn’t realize how close it would parallel modern society and politics. We have Tucker Carlson, who is today’s Obi-Wan Kenobi when he told Fox news if you strike me down, I will become more powerful than ever before and also, we have Dr. Fauci who I can honestly hear him say rebel scum as we denied the Fauci Ouchy’s and how good they are. Well, the Biden administration we can honestly say is more like Space Balls and we definitely know that the Schwartz is against us. (WIN)
Area 51
Joe Biden appears to stay with Kamala Harris as VP for 2024 but the Dems have a plan. Harris will be sent to Ukraine to review war progress only to have an accidental airplane crash caused by a stinger missile. Biden then picks Elisabeth Warren because he wants a native American VP. Days later, Warren pulls a Clinton and Biden gets Epsteined. As president, she picks Eric Swalwell as VP to piss off Marjorie Taylor Greene, who then retaliates by bringing Fang Fang Bang Bang to Swalwell’s swearing in ceremony. Every time Swalwell farts, Fang Fang yells yum yum. (WIN)
And Why Not
Everybody Ooh’s and aah’s about all these rockets that are going into space but what’s really happening is they’re sending these satellites up there and they’re going to line them like pixels on a TV screen and that way they can create a hologram. Well, on a predetermined date, a text alert will go out at 4:45 in the morning telling people to go out and look up at the sky. When they do, the anti-Christ will present himself and when he does, he’s going to speak in homo dofo language. And for the def people, they will have a symbol that when you invert it, it reads life, but when you turn it back over, it will read death. But Mark, I’m here to tell you I’m trying to save you. Watch your back. (WIN)
Anonymous
Ok, so Biden’s been in public office since 1975 or so, maybe before. His image and all of his words are recorded, and my theory is that he’s not really going to be campaigning. It will be AI that will campaign. That’s it. Kind of short.
Witness Protection Elvis
Fox news is one big yawn because Tucker Carlson’s gone while reporting on McCarthy’s J6 case. Did he ok spotty cams proved that doors were left unmanned. Nancy grins entice them in then they were charged. And she both hired in 2020 to burn us down they still walk free. Tucker wouldn’t keep quiet about the riots, now he’s history. (WIN)
Tin Foil Skiff
Those who are boycotting Fox News because the fired Tucker Carlson, have you noticed that when you turn on your TV, that Fox News pops up, even though that wasn’t the last station you watched? This is due to your cable box being rigged to help Fox News with the Nelson sweep sweep. Under Nelson’s new rating system, those few seconds that Fox was still on while you were frantically trying to change your channel to Newsmax still counts as Fox viewership. They do this to artificially drive up the price for commercials. This is a quid pro quo for Fox joining lame stream media. (WIN)
Slippery Slope
In Tulsa, we listen to you on KRMG and KRMG made a format change this week and they took an hour of Hannity off and put him at 8:00 at night instead of 2 – 5 and put in local news and they have it as local news and people want to hear more local news. They also took off Dana Lash and put Eric, I think his name is, which is not so pro Trump. KRMG is owned by Cox Media. Cox Media is owned by (cut off by Mark). (WIN)
A Pimp Named Slickback
My conspiracy theory is that the reason we have drag show story hour advertising the Navy coincides with the reason that they put people out because they would not get the Corona Virus vaccine. They want to put the real patriots out of the military so that if at anytime they need to turn the military on the American public, those that are left will be willing to do so. A Pimp Named Slickback as spoken. (WIN)
McKors
So, have you ever wondered how the fast-food chain restaurants and all the storefronts keep up with the meat demands? They have started showing videos of people pulling these hard chunks out of their cheeseburgers that look like teeth, but people are freaking out about it and come to find out there’s a lot of places where the homeless poverty sections are suddenly being cleaned up and all these people are disappearing. A lot of foster kids are disappearing, and nobody knows where they are going. (WIN)
Black Sheep
Ok, Joe Biden hates titles. It’s obvious because every time the title of Hail to the Chief plays he doesn’t know where he’s going, and he wanders around stage. He doesn’t even know he’s the president. He calls himself Jill Bidens husband or he’ll say President Harris. It’s also obvious that he hates title 9. He’d rather see women’s sports watered down with trans losers that can’t hack it in the men’s world and as we’re going to find out in, I don’t know how many hours. I think Jay knows. He hates title 42 because, well we got to get those breakfast tacos in. (WIN)
Not Jesse
Well, I think that Biden’s so lacks on border security so he can get Chinese fentanyl to the cartel in Mexico so they can bring it in and so then more illegal aliens, more problems and more disorganization and more crime.
Joseph Black
Well, my conspiracy is that anyone remembers the late 80’s to early 90’s where Cinemax was playing Nostradamus chronicles or predictions, whatever they were called. Back in those days the documentary, if you will, those weren’t predictions whatsoever. They definitely were not because what those were, were simply a playbook for the Democrats to be doing right now. It’s actually terrible. (WIN)
Grammy D
So, you know how most governments now are banning Tic Tok. They can’t be in schools; they can’t be in universities and things. Well, China came up with a better way to get into the US citizens minds and that is a new shopping site app called Tamu. So, on anything that you buy, it actually has a little, some of them, have a little chip in it. So, spy balloon, that they’re calling spy balloon, is actually going over the whole US to pick up little triggers in all the little microchips that they put in whatever your silly thing you bought from there. So now you don’t have to go through the middleman of Amazon. You can buy direct from China and all Americans love a bargain and that’s how Tamu, Timu, however you pronounce it, promotes getting into your minds. They also have all your phone information because you had to do it on the app. (WIN)
Witness Protection Elvis
Please allow me to introduce myself. I’m a liar, a pedophile, and thief. I groomed a teenaged babysitter … in chief. She deliberately raised my child and grabbed … her dissertation on indoctrination ….. please to fleece you. The big dummy is my name. Lucifer, the Anti-Christ ….. Oh yeah. (WIN)
Blue
So, with the Hunter Biden family syndicate scandal, he refers to his dad as pops and also the big man, but he’s not really a big man so I think he’s referring to someone else who was a big man at the time. Obama.
BT
No response
Charles Darwin
There’s a conspiracy among organized religion to make you believe in the Genesis story, when really the story of evolution is correct, and the proof is in the pubic hair. It’s in the lice of the pubic hair. (Dumped)
Codisaurus Rex
Ok, in my humble opinion, my conspiracy theory consists that George Soros has got paid folks that are paying these women who are coming up with these allegations on Donald Trump. The reason why is because even if he doesn’t get a guilty verdict, which he did not on this last one. He got a liable, whatever the heck that is, that it’s getting him further and further, you know, in the new and negatively. So, I think that’s what’s behind it all is George, Mr. Soros. (WIN)
Ross
The reason why the border is the way it is and Biden is doing what he’s doing because he wants to let everyone come in that wants to come in from 160 countries. They can’t speak English. We can’t communicate. Pretty soon it will be the downfall of America and Biden has made a deal with the Russians and the Chinese that when the buidabirgs and the illuminati take over with the one world order, he’ll be the supreme allied dictator in zone 3. Zone 3 is what we’ve already been divided into. US, Mexico, and Canada, NAFTA and they’ll be a commander of zone 3. There’re 10 zones in the world by the buildabirgs and the illuminati and the one world order. So, Biden’s been paid and promised that when they take us down and China takes over the world that he’ll be the supreme dictator in zone 3 so he won’t be just in charge of America. (WIN)
A Pimp Named Slickback
My conspiracy theory is that if you are supported by Paul Ryan and if you are supported by Eric Ericson, you must be a part of the deep state even though as president you might do a couple of things that are conservative, but you will not drain the swamp. I believe that the Governor of Florida is still a trojan RINO and we need to be aware of Ron Sanctimonious. A Pimp Named Slickback has spoken. (WIN)
The Knight Who Says Knee
Ok, Biden went to Japan for the G7 convention. Unfortunately, he won’t be visiting Mt Fuji Joe vs the volcano style, but he’s really excited about all the Anime action going on in Japan, especially the fact that one’s named after his son. Hunter X Hunter. He’s so excited about that and he wants to find where my hero academia is located so he can sniff all the willy Japanese children. And so, he’s going to wrap up his tour trying to not scare everybody about Godzilla. (WIN)
Anonymous
My father when he was a young man, he joined the military but before that his life was so bad he ran away with the carnival and he told me he met a guy named Joe and they would tie up the animals every night and they would tie up these elephants with a little stake on the ground and they wouldn’t go anywhere. They couldn’t get away even though they can pull it out but he still thinks it’s Joe Biden to this day because he can tie them up with just a little stake in the ground and they never get away. (WIN)
Global Environmental Terrorist
Yeah, these global environmentalists want people to eat bugs but most people don’t know that we’re already doing it because they’re marketing on chicken McNuggets. They take that goo that goo is made out of crickets, grasshoppers, and bra… it’s all mixed into a gooey batter dipped in a breading and then … used cooking oil. (WIN)
Teddy Roosevelt
If I was wanting to send classified documents to China without being caught, I would go in daddy’s garage where the corvette is kept and get some of those papers and paint a picture, put the documents in the back of the painting and then tell the Chinese buy the one that’s got a lot of flowers. They won’t know who bought it. They won’t know how much they paid or buy the one that’s got all the red in it. That’s how you transfer documents to China without being caught. (WIN)
Area 51
The top US attendees of King Charles coronation were Joe Biden and Vietnam War metal laden John Karry but there was another purpose for the visit. They made a proposal to King Charles to buy Canada with 17 trillion carbon credits. Canada would be used as a giant carbon secretsation sink so that elites like Karry could continue to jet around the world without guilt. Unfortunately for doctor of education Jill, the King pointed out that Canada gained its independence in 1867. Karry and Queen Jill then left with Harry and Megan to have a car chase with local paparazzi. (WIN)
Biscuit Eater
Ok, so Disney bought 21st Century Fox officially in 2019. Instantly they started censoring certain journalist and reporters and reports that went against their agenda. Tucker went on a podcast earlier this year and Tucker said that he hasn’t been able to be a guest prior because of work but he will have more time coming up soon. Fox doesn’t want to go woke so with Tucker’s help agreeing to leave, they are strategically destroying the woke Disney Fox by losing viewers, with Tucker knowing that he’s going to find work quick because he’s Tucker. I think he’s awesome and he’s already found work. (WIN)
Alcatraz
Ok, in response to the newly discovered evidence about the bank statements involving Hunter Biden and Joe Biden and the transfer of ten million dollars to the family, the White House came out with a response that said you didn’t show anything that influenced any decision. I would suggest that letting fentanyl come across the border in massive doses that killed one hundred thousand people is a decision that probably was made between Joe Biden and the Chinese. That’s my conspiracy theory. (WIN)
Captain Clarence Over
Ok, we all know Biden hated the moniker Trump train. That’s why he’s making sure every train possible can derail somehow or have their cargo stolen magically. That is why Mr. DeSantis, Governor DeSantis went to the man that loves launching rockets into space. Well, unfortunately Elon Musk’s reputation is to have those rockets blow up. So, unfortunately instead of having an Apollo 13 type of campaign, we had failure to launch. (WIN)
R.J.
No answer
Mata Hari
This is called watch that jab. Ancestery.com is giving your DNA to Wuhan lab for DNA cataloging. Chemical warfare viruses are then targeted to specific diseased DNA so they can accelerate those diseases to eliminate weaker humans and certain nationalities. Now connect the cloud where your pictures are stored including data, locations, and now your DNA. With facial recognitions and cameras all over the world time and … can locate you in real time. (WIN)
Bababooey
Word salad is actually the secret language of the new world order and Fetterman is a Klingon. I’ve seen him on two Star Trek episodes.
Manster
Ok, everybody heard about the robot vacuum cleaners having cameras on them that are videoing and they’re saving that all to servers. Government watching us. I believe that the automatic flushing mechanisms on toilets and urinals also have cameras and they’re watching us and Target maybe checking if you’re male or female.
Taco
So, the reason why it seems like we’re heading into World War three and that everything is going into chaos is because its intentional. The world elitist, it’s kind of like the same concept as abortion, population control. They want to start World War three. Nuclear Armageddon. They have underground bunkers to survive it. They’re going to come back out afterwards and restart world history from year one.
That Guy Not From Oklahoma
Mark Kaye for three hours a day. Alright, so here’s what we got. The Democrats in the left have swamped Twitter’s server so that it would crash so that they don’t have Ron DeSantis’s message out there because they think Trump is the only one they can beat and they don’t want to keep Ron on the sidelines too long but they don’t want to keep Trump in the game. Mark Kaye for three hours a day. Loving it! (WIN)
A Pimp Named Slickback
My conspiracy theory is that there was a hack that took place last night with the Twitterverse. This hack overflowed the servers of Twitter. If you happened to be on Truth Social, you would have noticed a small glitch. A Pimp like me, we notice things like this. That small glitch was Donald J. Trump switching his people over to the Twitterverse to flood the hackers so that that announcement would not go smoothly. A Pimp Named Slickback has spoken. (WIN)