September 2023 Mark Kaye's Kayetriot's Conspiracy Theories
September 7th, 2023
Rusty Farts
My conspiracy is an agreement between Satan and the lost souls that have been condemned to hell by being queers and lesbians (dumped)
Turtles Ate McConnell
Ok, as everybody comes back from congresses little vacation, we’re all expecting an impeachment query. It’s not going to happen because you can’t impeach an illegitimate president or else it makes them a legitimate president. Trump signed the executive order before he left office that there would be no foreign meddling in an election and that’s all the Democrats are guilty of is allowing other countries to hack our election. So therefore, Trump is still the president of the United States. Biden is the president of the bankrupt United States. (WIN)
I Need A Nap
First lady taco Jill has contracted Covid even though she has received four MRNA shots. We know the shots are useless and dangerous. While star athletes and high-profile people are dying from Myocarditis, you never hear of any government officials expiring from this malady. This is because their DNA is still intact. The shots received by government bureaucrats are placebos taken as a fake show of confidence to force the DNA altering shot on unsuspecting commoners. They would never risk their own health. The only way a government officials life expectancy is in Parel is if they piss off Hillary Clinton. (WIN)
One Hung Low
I know the real reason Biden and McConnell are having all their glitches and freezing up. It’s because their Chinese knock-off Terminators called the Turdinators.
MAGA With That Swaga
Well, it seems the warning about the military industrial complex was well founded as they have been allegedly taking hard earned tax dollars to build technology to prank people. The poor individual who had the embarrassing accident on a plane was merely a victim of the new satellite high altitude radiation transmission beam, or SHART Beam for short. For average folks it causes violent colon floods… (dumped)
Georgia Joe
The reason Donald Trump was hanging onto his documents so tenaciously was he knew he was going to be indicted for January 6th and he had documents that would not only exonerate him but implicate Pelosi and the FBI and all the other bad actors. The FBI had to wait till he was out of town and then they raided his home, made his lawyers stand outside while they not only took documents from in the locked closet, but his entire house, even his wife’s dressers. (WIN)
Jim Comey
Ok, real quick. The last conspiracy theorist about Donald Trump’s FBI raid was 100% correct. He had documents implicating people in the government, ok. That guy was absolutely right. By the fact. The reason Bill Clinton met with Loretta Lynch was to offer her the Supreme Court position after James Comey unlawfully exonerated Hillary Clinton of any misdoing. That’s not his job. That’s Loretta Lynch job. (WIN)
A Pimp Named Slickback
A Pimp Named Slickback’s conspiracy theory is in 19 or 18 that is 94, there was a group formed known as the Daughters of the Confederacy. These Daughters of the Confederacy went about trying to change the air and the stigma of what happened during the Civil War, and in so doing things like schools were named after the confederate generals. Because of their distaste in this later day, they have resurfaced known as the Moms of Lit. A Pimp Named Slickback has spoken. (WIN)
September 14th, 2023
86 Pierre Delecto
Ok, I just want to caution everybody to not be excited about the sudden retirement of a certain Senator that nobody likes anyway. Before we start off the stag party, we should be warned that Mr. Pierre Delecto is really trying to use his age as a way to take out other elder Senators like Chip Roy, who is digging into the Biden misbehavior, knowing that his sons were also connected to Hunter and other face people funds and his misdeeds could be uncovered as well. (WIN)
The Only Mostly Dead Voter
The Democrats are corrupting kids T.V. programs. The 80’s saw The Smurfs, a communist like community of Democrat colored blue beings led by a state parental figure head, Papa Smurf, where women barely exist, only Smurfette. In the 90’s a Democrat congress passed the children’s television act waiting for Ronald Regan to leave office after he vetoed the original bill. Regulations led not to protection but indoctrination and eventually doomed Saturday morning programing. Kids were then pushed to look for entertainment elsewhere including the increasingly more liberal Disney, not to mention Teletubbies. (WIN)
Dragon Fly
Ok, now that Tucker Carlson and Larry Sinclair interview is out, you think that Obama is gay? I think is entire family is gay. Ever since he came on the scene, everything has been mischievous and I really think Michael, Michelle, is a man. There’s pictures. There’s evidence. People are talking. I even said with my parents before, it’s odd how they don’t showcase their children. They showcase their children out more than other presidents take a bliss how they how their daughter best. So, they knew that it was like winning something, you know. It’s a made-up family. (WIN)
Hush Puppy
Suzie and Karen are the same person. Now you know this because number 1, they’re never together. You never hear Suzie and Karen. You never hear Karen and Suzie. You never hear them on the same day. Number 2, Suzie is always on Wednesday. Karen never calls on Wednesday. Number 3, if you run their voices through software and analyze it, they produce the same patterns on the oscilloscope. But, if that’s not enough, you record Suzie’s “It’s Trump Day” and play it backwards at a quarter speed, you hear Karen saying, “I hate Mark Kaye.” (WIN)
Mars Rover Surprise
No answer
Cowboy Named PGH
Yes, the last time the Democrats are, they’re very political savvy and they see the writing on the wall. So, they know president dementia can’t beat Trump. They’re either going to phase him out. They’re going to have another trip at the beach they hit his head, or they may just impeach him out there, and they can’t replace him with Gavin Newsome because nobody likes California and everybody’s leaving California. So, they know their only hope is to go back into their old bag of tricks and push Kamala out there and you know you can’t say anything bad about her because she’s a black woman allegedly, if she chooses to self-identify. (WIN)
Floridiot
Ok, here’s proof that the Covid lockdown stuff is all false. It’s just to control us and get the ballots, you know, the mail in ballots stuff. On the 5th of September, Dr. Jill Biden was diagnosed with Covid. On the 12th, just 7 days later, she was hosting an event at the White House with Hillary Clinton. What happened to their mandatory 14-day lockdown? (WIN)
Dr. Nightmare
Ok, we all know that Joe Biden likes to sniff ladies’ hairs. But what he really enjoys is sniffing ladies’ undergarments. Ok, that whole thing is what inspired the Mar a Lago raid. He could never get his hands on the most coveted pair of underwear in the nation, Melania Trumps underwear. He got a hold of those. Now, how do we tie this to the general council in the last conference with Joe Biden. Well, if you go to the UN Senator and open up those closet doors, you’re going to find boxes. What’s in those boxes Mark? It’s ladies’ underwear Mark! (WIN)
General Buckturgeson
Early on one of the goals of the Communist Party was to elevate vitious women to high political positions to execute their communist goals. To this end they created the home-owners association as a recruiting ground. Evil Karen’s running around the neighborhood imposing draconian rules on the hapless residents. Once identified, the communist then promoted them to High School board and higher positions and finally these women were petitioned to do some serious damage. Here are the results: Over stern Gretchen Whitmire, home-owners association. Katie Hobbs, home-owners association. Grammy Poxwine, home-owners association. It all makes sense now. (WIN)
September 21st, 2023
Bring On The Kraken
If you’ve been to Epcot, Journey with Figment is the most intolerable ride in the whole park. Just speaking about intolerable, Hunter Biden is the most intolerable presidential child. But, just like Figment, he is fake. He is a hologram that they use and that’s why they didn’t want to appear in Delaware because they would have to create a whole other skin suit to prop him up in the court room. Donald Trump was asking where’s Hunter all the time during the campaign and if Hunter Biden were real, he would have the ego to sit in front and say here I am during the debates. (WIN)
Not Dave
Ok, so Hunter Biden does not know this yet but here some time in the next couple of months he’s either going to commit suicide or overdose on drugs and die that way. That will accomplish a couple of things. Number one, you can’t prosecute the dead guy anymore and it will get the DOJ off of Joe Bidens back and it will also allow him to say that he’s too distraught to run for President in the future so he will not accept the nomination and then in walks pretty boy from California to be the nominee that the Democrats want. (WIN)
Big Juicy Booty
A Marine Corps pilot ejected from an F-35 on Sunday after quote mishap. The aircraft then flew for several miles, crashing. Many conspiracy theories have been presented including Chinese hacking. These are all false. The mishap was caused by the alien spacecraft that was trying to rescue the E.T. looking alien bodies from Mexico. The alien craft was surprised by the F-35 in its path and then made radio contact. When asked to be taken to our leader. The F-35 responded by demanding their pronouns at which point the aliens replied, “Beep Bop Boop” and shot an electromagnetic pulse at the F-35, causing the mishap. (WIN)
Kayeoff
In 2022 there was a salsa incident that I involved Hannah in. She was only the trigger in booby traps that I have set in your studio. It was a target of opportunity. A carpet you have brought from home. But nooo. We had to strike fast, and we struck hard. Unfortunately, we had to use Hannah as a trigger. But there are more traps Mr. Kaye. But my family will not leave you to be. Your conspiracy is gone. (WIN)
A Small Freddy P
The reason why John Fetterman is an alien is because when John Fetterman was saying uhuhuuuhu, don’t do that, that was him communicating to his mother ship which caused the F-35 to crash. (WIN)
Joeanon
Ok, when the balloons were flying over the United States, they had more than just video surveillance, they had electronic surveillance. So, as it was flying over it was picking up codes and information from the bases that it went over. Well, that F-35 wasn’t a standard F-35. It was an F-35J which is the newest model that we have. They always fly in pairs. So, for it to take off and disappear, normal ejection is that the pilot would eject, the wingman would monitor where he went but he couldn’t pursue the other one. The squawks were not turned on so there was no way to track it. That plane did not crash. It was stolen. (WIN)
A Pimp Named Slickback
A Pimp Named Slickback conspiracy theory is this. You have to listen to what they say or what they don’t say, and they said Jeffery Epstein did not commit suicide which lets us know that he really is alive. He is in contact with Oprah Winfrey, who is a groomer for the producer’s couch. They were looking for a new place to set up Epstein’s Island and he contacted Oprah who called President Biden to get advice. President Biden said, “oh wowie” and she thought he said Maui and so they got Bill Gates to set the blue laser radar on Maui and burn it up so that all that the land that Oprah owned could be added too so they could have a new Epstein Island and sniff children’s hair who is missing. A Pimp Named Slickback has spoken. (WIN)
Nanook Of The North
The Democrats are cloning themselves. That’s what’s going on. Earlier in their careers of the Democrats they are evaluated for this cloning. If they’re worthy and corrupt enough they are issued like five clones. They keep them in secret crypt, and they bring them out when they’re needed. Unfortunately, the corrupt DNA of Democrats result them in tripping, falling, complete inability to link a sentence, and that bad DNA also makes their life expectancy pretty short. The old ditties like Pelosi, Waters, and Feinstein, they outlived all their clones, and their powers are fading, so you get what you get. And then we have to sit there and watch the last of their evil powers drain out of their wrinkled faces. (WIN)
Metatron
There really is an epic battle going on between good and evil. Evil has been able to prevail in the past because they had a secret club. But we are currently involved in a space time war, and we are using quantum artificial intelligence from the future to send messages back to the current time to help us win this war against evil. So, in essence we are always one step ahead of the bad guys. If you look at quantum entanglement. There you go. (WIN)
Keith’s Bloody Face
Mark, I know you’re going to buzz me as soon as I say this, but Joe Biden is much smarter than we are giving him credit for and here’s why. As Trump has proven, the swamp is way deeper than we have ever imagined, and we all know that Joe Biden is already one of the oldest people that live in that swamp. In that time that he has been there, he has mastered the ability to create his own language, which is all the incoherent rumblings and everything that he is saying in order to keep his crime family moving. Everybody that he is in business with, he also does that. When he does things like poop his pants in front of the Pope, something big just happened. (WIN)
September 28th, 2023
Duck Dodgers Of The 21st And A Half Century
Ok, Kelsea Swift started in Philadelphia with running back D’Andre Swift and the brother, Matt Kelsey, as the center. So, of course Travis got Jealous and had to date Taylor Swift because, well, their podcast needed more klicks because Joe Rogan’s obviously the number one podcaster and his disarming covid 19 and the vaccine scene, and since Travis Kelsey is the spokesperson for Pfizer it was better to get dumped by Taylor Swift than die of Myocarditis. (WIN)
The Dark Knight
The immigrants are a trained army by the WHO. The cell phones they are given will download all the Americans that didn’t vote on October 4th. Next the WHO will declare a national emergency and martial law will be put into place where the army will go door to door injecting people. They don’t care about removing guns. People will be too scared and will comply. The injection is really the mark of the beast and when the cell phone towers are activated, so will the mark and all will lose humanity and so they will be moved to 15-minute cities. The commotal systems Bill Gates is currently cutting down forests and doing so that people can’t build shelter nor hide from the drones searching for the escapees. (WIN)
MAGA With That Swaga
Well, a while back the Bud Light spokes woke marketing execs. So, they hired Dillan Mulvaney to be national spoke city for the popular beer. America was shocked and confused but they really shouldn’t have been. The woke execs simply looked back in history, noted that Spuds McKinsey took the 80’s by storm and when she did some digging, she found no bone. Yes, Mr. Spuds was actually a girl dog who hated to be called the B word, so she started wearing boy clothes. (WIN)
A Pimp Named Slickback
A Pimp Named Slickback conspiracy is on Fox News. Rupert Murdock did not resign or retire. He was forced out by Paul Ryan and Rupert’s son, who both exhibit or are both members of the New World Order. This was demonstrated last night in the debate that they are trying to pick the winners and the losers of who should be in the Republican nominee. Trill and Nicky Haley was allowed to go on and on and on without anybody ever restraining her as well as Ron Disanctimonious whereas Vivek was cut off as soon as he had something to say. A Pimp Named Slickback has spoken. (WIN)
Rush Chairman
John F. Kennedy’s brain went missing from the national archives in 1966. Some say it was taken to cover up the truth, but the brain was stolen by the DNC to be implanted in a future president. The brain again went missing the day after DNC staffer Seth Rich was murdered. John Fetterman, woman, was hospitalized for a stroke back in 2022. Secretly the brain was implanted in him before he resumed his campaign for the Senate. Unfortunately, the brain thought to be JFK was not his and belonged to someone named Abby Normal. The Eagles are so much better than the Eagles! (WIN)
Grey Squirl
Ok, Biden resigns for whatever reason. Harris becomes President. They make Newsom Vice President. Then they force Kamala Harris out to take Dianne Feinstein …in the Senate…as a retir…. and Newsom becomes president. (WIN)
The Real Mark Kaye
I find it a little suspicious that in the last couple of years the lottery seems to be getting bigger and bigger and bigger. We’re now hitting 800,000 to 1,000,000,000 dollars on the lottery and I want to know because most folks are going to be taking the one-time bail out, pay out. Where is the rest of this money going? We know that the taxes to it go to the government and the Democratic machine but the rest of this money, I think there’s something going on behind the scenes. (WIN)